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Noah’s Ark Will Be Found. Again. Really.

7 February, 2009

For as long as I can remember, Noah’s Ark seems be found about every other year.  Sometimes they have found the mountain. Sometimes, they have found the actual ark.  The only consistent part of the story is Ararat —  Mount Ararat, or the Ararat Mountains, or the Mountains in Ararat.  Now it would appear that Liberty University has gotten into the act.

This is from the Armenian News Network / Groong (with my snark added):

It’s one of the most familiar Bible stories.

Saddened by the wickedness of man, God directs the righteous Noah to build an ark for his family and two of each species of animal.  (Or type, or kind — it depends on the size the particular fanatic wants to envision.)

Together, they ride the ark through 40 days and 40 nights of torrential rains that God unleashes upon the Earth. And when the waters subside, Noah and the animals return to land. (Where did the water go?  That seems to be a major sticking point for which there is no rational answer (What the hell am I doing looking for rational answers about Noah’s Ark?))`That seems almost like a fairy story,’ (Yeah, almost exactly like a fairy story) said archaeologist Randall Price, who is director of Liberty University’s new Center for Judaic Studies. `But we believe it was an actual event.’ (Well, you can believe anything you want, but how about some proof?)

This summer Price, 57, plans to continue on a journey to prove just that as he joins an expedition to Mount Ararat. His team believes that it is there,in Eastern Turkey, where Noah’s Ark remains preserved underneath layers of rubble and ice.  (Enough rubble and ice to cover an ark big enough to carry all the animals?  This is one hell of a rubble pile.)`There’s a whole trail of history (no, mythology) pointing to it (Mt. Ararat),’ Price said in a recent interview. `But in our age, people tend to think it is more of a story (because people are becoming more fact oriented) like ‘Jack and the Bean Stalk.’ Our aim is to show that the Bible is good history.’

 He pointed to Genesis 8:4 (which is, obviously, an unimpeachable historical source), which states, `and on the seventeenth day of the seventh month the ark came to rest on the mountains of Ararat,’ in The New International Version of the Bible (which has been translated through how many languages and how many transcriptions?).

For centuries, expeditions have set out to find Noah’s Ark but have been unable to find any concrete evidence (because concrete evidence requires something real), beyond that of an unwavering faith (which is NOT evidence), to support its existence.

Retired Continental Airlines Pilot Richard Bright, (now there’s a misnomer) 64, has visited Turkey more than 30 times over the past 25 years in search of the vessel.

`We’ve received many leads over the years, dating back into antiquity,’ he said in a phone interview Friday. `We’ve had so many reports over the years, and they talk about the same mountain.’ (Or mountains, or mountain range, it gets kinda vague.)

Last fall, a new tip peaked [sic] both his and Price’s interest (in fleecing investors to finance their junkets to Turkey).

A Kurdish shepherd told them that he had seen the ark, and even climbed on top of it, when he was a boy (And it took him this long to tell anyone?).

The team hypothesizes that the ark is preserved in several pieces beneath a glacier on the mountain, and every so often the glacier recedes, exposing part of the vessel (But the glacier, when it advances, would crush the wood to splinters — glaciers are not like the snow out in your front yard — they move and, when moving, can crush rock to powder).

`That’s when he saw it as a boy,’ Price said, adding that they had interviewed the shepherd and could find no reason to dis-trust him (because when you really, really, really, pretty-please-with-sugar-on-top want to believe it, you’ll believe anything).

The shepherd asked for nothing in return (the laughter this will give him and his family, for years to come, will be payment enough), and agreed to lead Bright to the site where he said he had seen the ark.

Bright first climbed to the site in September. Then a team including Price, the shepherd, a mountaineer and several others made a follow-up ascent to 15,000 feet later the same month (wow, an actual measurement.  An actual fact?).

They found the spot, Price said, but it now is covered by an estimated 60-foot-deep pile of boulders. Price believes the landslide may have resulted from attacks against Kurdish rebels on the mountain, or perhaps from explosives that were set off to cover up the ark (It’s all an evil conspiracy by the Evilutionist Darwinists to cover up the reality of the ark.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.  Yeah.  And it’s guarded by velociraptors.).

`It’s a very delicate and almost clandestine environment,’ he said of the area, which is near the Turkish border to Iran and Armenia. `The danger level is high.’ (and I suspect Bright and Price may be, too.)

But his team has negotiated with government and military authorities and gained access to work at the site starting this spring, Price said. (Can’t you just picture the officers laughing their asses off at the O-Club?)

That’s when the team of (woo) archaeologists, (woo) geologists, (woo) explorers and other  (woo) volunteers plan to start removing boulders.

By summertime, they hope to reach the glacier and use ice-melting equipment to access what they believe is preserved beneath. If a structure is found, they plan to take samples to have analyzed and dated (I thought that creationists didn’t believe in radiocarbon dating).

But that may not be proof enough for some (He is right about that). Bright said people would have to make up their own minds. (Thank you for allowing me that.  No recieved wisdom at Liberty University, right?)

`We intend to, God willing (and if they don’t find it, will they claim that God sabotaged their project?), find enough of it to at least show that we have an ancient structure,’ he said. `If we find a great big structure up there that fits the dimensions (which dimensions?  which cubit?), and if there are compartments in there, and it’s ancient – What else could it be, way up there, thousands of feet in the air?’ (Classic woo reasoning — if there is an old piece of wood then it can only be exactly what they are looking for.)  Work also must be done leading up to the expedition.

Price estimated that the team needs to raise about $60,000 to pay for permission to use the site, to buy the necessary machinery and to fund about two months of work on location. (Sounds dirt cheap.  Or an incredible waste of money.)

Bright said a discovery (notice, he does not say a discovery of what) would `mean so much to so many, many people worldwide.’

`Keep your ear to the road (and your nose to the grindstone, and your feet in the socks and the cliches at the ready), so to speak, this summer,’ he said. `Because there will be discovery. The only thing that’s holding us back is to finance the machinery that we need.’ (Give me money.  God needs money.  We need money.  Give money.  Money.  Money.)

I will keep my eyes (and bananas) peeled on this one.  If my eagle eye (or planaria vision spot) sees anything more about this, I will post.

This is the typical revealed knowledge approach which many Christians take with regards to science.  Find the answer in the Bible, then find evidence to support the answer.  And if you don’t find the evidence, keep raising money, keep looking, and keep blaming liberals.  It’s worked for many years, and it looks like it will keep working.  At the very least, it will keep separating sheep from cash.

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33 comments

  1. I love the snark! What else needs to be added to this load of tripe?


  2. Hilarious


  3. And I suppose that when the ark is found and fragments of it have already been found, all of you God haters will see the light, apoloze to God and all Christians for your hatred and embrace the Truth of Light? Or will you continue to deny the Truth? Do you know why archeologists are searching for hte ark? Its because that is the last piece of the Old Testament which has not been proved correct by archeologists. The Babylonian captivity? Proved. The Egyptian slavery? Proved by heirogliphs. The parting of the Red Sea? Proved by studying the rocks. Mount Sinai? Found. The desert camps in the wilderness? Found. Jericho’s walls? Found. But every one of thees, despite over whelming evidence, is scoffed at, mocked by God-haters. When the true ark is found, you will do as you always do you will ignore the Truth. But do not despair. Despite your hatred of God and hatred of Truth and hatred of Justice and hatred of America, God still loves you. And if you accept His love, he will save you from the fiery hells of eternal damnation. If you do not accept, He will still love you, but you will be punished for your worship of satan rather than God. Accept the Truth. Accept the riality of what archeologists have proven. Stop denying your God.


    • If the ark has been found it only proves there was
      a great flood. Floods occur all the time throughout history. Its a natural part of the Earths history. Look what happenned in New Orleans. A true God would not kill millions of innocent people with a primitive flood to save a few good people.


  4. I seem to remember one version of the Noah story from Babylon which has survivors other than Noah. Turned out he owed them money and they wanted it, pronto.

    I can’t make up my mind whether … is genuine or a put on.


  5. In regarding the ark, the Biblical account for the unfolding productive and interactive Work of The Almighty allows for the truth of the Prophetic reality of Biblical innerancy to fully manifest itself. Note that dark matter has certain fluid slower and colder properties which is in accordance with the writtings such that extant a formless and void earth with darknesss there was not light at that time. Therefore, since the wavelength of dark matter was mentioned, one could understand that these events may speak to a Spiritual Celestial Bodies such that darkness was separated right away as lesser light to rule the night or lucifer. Given the inifinite ways in which God’s Holy Word has proven true in physics, biology, mathematics, cosmology, geology and the other sciences which study the reality of Gods creation, I will not be surprised when one of these scientific expeditions searching for the reality of Christ is successful.


  6. I got to “the danger level is high” part and managed to snort tea through my nose for the second time today. I’m going to get a sinus infection if this doesn’t stop.


  7. ….,

    And I suppose that when they find nothing, all you religious nuts will see the light, apologize to yourselves and everyone else plagued by your silliness and hatred of reality, and embrace the light of truth? Or will you continue to deny reality? Do you know why these clowns might be searching for the ark? It would be the first thing which might give any credibility to the nonsense of the Old Testament. Parting of the Red Sea? There’s not even proof of the Exodus, let alone the big sea parting. World wide flood? Unproven. The Davidic empire? Nope. The walls of Jericho? They fell at a time when Joshua and his army’s grandparents or great grandparents were alive. Temple of Solomon? ANY of the gold goblets, shields, and other lavishness claimed in the OT? Nothing. Most claims, including authorship by Moses, completely discredited by our Founding Father, Thomas Paine, and let’s not even get into bats are birds, grasshoppers have 4 legs and pi = 3. But every one of these OT claims, despite either overwhelming evidence against them or overwhelming absence of evidence for them, is still believed, by delusional fools. When no ark is found, you will do as you always do, you will still believe and ignore reality. But you shouldn’t despair. Despite your hatred of life, of reality, of Justice and hatred of America, there are those who still may love you, whether you accept them or not.
    They may save you from the fiery pit of your dementia. If you do not accept, they’ll still love you, but you will continue to punish yourself for your preference of fantasy rather than reality. Accept the truth. Accept the reality of what archeologists have proven. Stop denying reality.

    ——————–

    Jack David,

    First, none of your comment was “regarding the ark”.
    Second, reconcile for me Biblical inerrancy and pi equalling 3 for starters.
    Third, claiming there was a beginning devoid of light is not the same as “the wavelength of dark matter was mentioned”. If wavelengths or better yet, dark matter were mentioned, well, THEN you’d have something to hang your hat on.
    Fourth, no “holy word” has been proven by any field of science or math or any field with any claim of intellectual credibility.
    Fifth, you’re nutters.


  8. great snark (((Billy))).

    … / Jack , could you point us to the scientific evidence for the parting of the Red Sea?

    I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, just because some real places are mentioned in the bible doesn’t mean the whole thing’s a factual book. There’s real places mentioned in The Da Vinci Code, does that make the Da Vinci Code a factual book?


  9. Our aim is to show that the Bible is good history.

    Good luck with that, suckers.

    I love the Kurdish shepherd. I suspect he fleeces a lot more than his sheep. 🙂


  10. I get people who believe in science and logic, and I somewhat get those who reject all logic and reason and believe in religion, but to believe in religion and science at the same time, is just insanity.

    Literally.


  11. Kate: Tripe goes well with pasta and a spicey tomato sauce.

    Philly: I exist to entertain.

    …..: Get bent. Seriously. I ain’t gonna ban you (with your anonymizing software, I’m not sure if I could) but, whatever your goals, it ain’t working.

    Sarge: I haven’t heard of that version. I know quite a few flood myths came out of Mesopotamia. As for the dotman? I have no idea if he’s a Poe or not. He uses software to keep himself anonymous and always leaves a different email (none of which are valid (except one, but I apologized to the owner)). If he is satire, its either brilliant or insance.

    Jack David: Welcome to my blog. I really can’t add to what others have said.

    Philly: Thanks. Couldn’t have said it better. These guys kinda make you wonder, though. What are they trying to accomplish?

    Oz: I like the ‘DaVinci Code’ comparison. Good one.

    Chappie: Even if the Bible was accurate history, it would still be ex post facto justification of genocide and other crimes against humanity written by the winners.

    That last comment could be taken as a reference to tupping, but I will take the high road and avoid mention of velcro gloves.

    Craig: Welcome to my blog. I’ve known some people who are quite religious but are able to separate that from reality. The insane ones are the those who (like Bright and Price (shit, I missed a reference to the Price is Bright)) do not separate but expect reality to fit their fantasy.


  12. Yeah, I know a lot of people who are reasonable, and are religious, but know that they have to pick and choose what to believe based on what makes sense, not make sense of what they already believe. Which is basically what you just said. I was referring in my comment to the Price/Bright type.


  13. Craig: I guess some are better at internalizing the necessary cognitive dissonance required to meld science and fundamentalist religion.


  14. What do you mean by “internalising”? I’m afraid I don’t quite know what you mean.


  15. […] will be passing on those donations to further My vacation, but, rather, you will use the cash for your own frivolous trip.  So I’m going to do us both a favor and tell you exactly where you can find this manky old […]


  16. I can just see it all now. Animals such as lions, tigers, crocodiles, alligators, gorillas, apes, bear, etc, all marching in perfect harmony up the ramp and into the arc.

    They’d might as well believe that there’s a monstrosity of a vessell parked somewhere up on Mt. Ararat, and might as well believe that it was powered by twin turbine engines while their at it.


  17. How far gone do you have to be to actually put all your hope (and money) into this project? You would think they would avoid “finding” the ark so they can continue to put their “faith” in it being there.


  18. Re: (the laughter this will give him and his family, for years to come, will be payment enough)

    I can’t stop laughing picturing this scene:

    So the foreigner comes up to me and asks “Have you seen the remains of Noak’s Ark around these parts?” *snicker* So I said, “Sure, I’ve seen it! I climbed on it when I was a kid! It’s just up in these mountains.” *hahaha* “Come on, I’ll show you!” *hahaha* So they asked me why nobody has publicized the location before, and I told them it’s because the glacier sometimes covers it up. *hahaha* So after I’d led ’em around the mountains a bit, I found a pile of rocks and said “Oh, no! It looks like a pile of rocks fell on it!” *hahaha* And they believed me! *hahahahahaha!* So I said, “I’ll bet you can dig it out if you bring in a team of men with bulldozers and stuff.” *hehe* And they agreed! *hahahaha!* So get the local hotel and restaurant ready for an influx of visitors from dumbassia.


  19. Craig: I mean that the dichotomy will remain unseen to most observers.

    Info: How did they pilot a vessel that large in a day with no stern rudder and primitive latteen or square sails? Hmm.

    DB: I suspect that contributors to the expedition are attempting to curry favour with the religious business leaders and politicians. “I contributed to the ark expedition, so you should let my company build your new business park”-type thing.

    CL: So the local view this as a local economic recover program funded by the Dumbassians? Makes sense. I wonder how he could keep a straight face. Or how the interpreter could keep a straight face.


  20. There has NEVER been ANY finds of ANYTHING on the ARK. not each year or anything. that part of your story is made up.
    the other part of the story is in part a fact. there has only been ONE-Uno-1… report and interest in the Ark, but never an expedention. theres only been some kind of pics taken and that was all. never any other reports at any other time. Arafat is too dangerous because there is no permission to go in. Even if it were allowed the Muslims would never allow that to be known! thats the most reason why know one is allowed to go there. but there was NEVER been other people or groups claiming anything at anytime!


  21. Matt: For as long as I can remember, there have been expeditions, every other year or so, going off to find Noah’s Ark. There were television specials back in the 70s about these expeditions and some claimed to have found it. There are, every year or so, front page stories in the Weekly World News (or other supermarket tabloid) referring to these, and other, attempts to find it. None have found anything (and they won’t as there is nothing to be found).

    As for the remainder, you make no sense. I agree that parts of Turkey (notably Turskish Kurdistan) are politically unstable, but why would Muslims try to keep Noah’s Ark under wraps? Aside from the fact that Turkey is a secular democracy, followers of Islam are people of the Book. They subscribe to the same Old Testament fairy tales as Christians and Jews. Finding the ark (if it existed) would presumably reinforce Islam and Christianity.


  22. Exactly. I think it’s hilarious that they find it significant that he didn’t ask for any payment. It should be obvious that if you’re living in “a very delicate and almost clandestine environment,” attracting a bunch of relatively wealthy and highly credulous foreigners is its own reward. 😉


  23. Has anyone considered the genetics of having only one pair of each animal to carry on the species? Or how about the genetics of having only Noah and his little family being the progenitors of the entire human race? Seems that there would have had to be a lot of incest, not to mention fouling of the genetic pool.

    And there’s the silliness of the animals. Old Noah would have had to go around the whole world to make sure he got two of absolutely everything. Hardly had the time, did he? Or the transport and storage capabilities. And if he didn’t, then he would only have had species from his little corner of the world, and the only way we could then have developed the incredible variety of species we have today would be… evolution, in which all species descended from the relatively few things the old guy could have gathered. Oh me oh my.

    As for the flood, there may well have been an event that accounts for the story, but it happened in real time, not fantasy time, when the Sea of Marmara broke through to the Black Sea and massively flooded the region 7600 years ago. There’s evidence that makes the case for that, as well as counter-interpretations. It certainly might have seemed like a worldwide flood to the preliterate people living in the region.

    As for …, or whatever the fuck the little coward’s name is, I refuse to apoloze to anyone, though it sounds like something I did with a redhead one night, but I was pretty drunk so I can’t be sure that’s what we did.


  24. Ric: I think that Cheetahs went through a tight genetic bottleneck some 10k years ago; the total breeding population may have been in the low 100s. This helps explain the ‘fragility’ of the big cats. (Any biologists/zoologists out there, please add details). “Two rabbits? Only two, damnit. Only two. Damn, forgot to feed the cheetahs, there go the unicorns. Stink bugs? How the hell do I tell male from female?”

    And as for “….”, at the very least, he is amusing.


  25. Mark 16: 16 He that believeth and is baptized, shall be saved: but he that believeth not shall be condemned.

    Repent!


  26. The ark is beyond ridicule.

    What were Noah’s last words?

    “Who brought those bloody temites on board?”

    How do fundies explain the feeding of ant eaters again?

    fundies have to believe that Noah and his family were riddled with every species of human parasite and virus – boy, they must have been sick 🙂


  27. Billy (and I like your name): What about the fire ants? How about the Mallards (normal mating is gang-raping the female)? There are just so many absurdities that one could list them from now until the great green Arkleseizure shows up with the great kleenex and still have room for more. And the rest of the Bible is just as absurd.


  28. […] It only took one fallen human being 20 minutes! Suck it, God!(((Billy))) The Atheist explains how Noah’s Ark Will Be Found. Again. Really. Well, not “really”, but he does go into why so many people seem intent on finding it, […]


  29. 1. A professor of mine in Grad School said that once the Empire was converted to Christianity, the fake relic trade developed quite quickly (look at my namesake and the true cross) and in the fourth and fifth century there was a flourishing tourist trap on Ararat with a fake ark to show the rubes. He said it wouldn’t surprise him if someday someone discovered bits of that. I have no reference to it though, does anyone else?

    2. Scholarship is always done on the basis of the ancient texts in the original–if someone quotes from a published translation to a reporter its a courtesy to the English-only reading public. Even the hacks at Liberty can read the Hebrew in an interlineated text. Since this fact went over your head, I won’t bother you with the problematic considerations surrounding the Massoretic text and LXX.

    3. the Ark myth does indeed descend from a much older myth common in the ANE and known from at least two version in Mesopotamian culture. But it doesn’t come with an anti-semitic joke.

    4. Can people please stop talking about the Black Sea flood. That is just as much ‘woo’ as anything else; they just made it sound more plausible to the non-specialist, in part by claiming to explain or debunk more fantastic versions.


  30. Re: that shepherd – I’m reminded of a Mike Harding joke about American tourists visiting Lancashire. One of them comes across a man sat on his doorstep, rolling little pills out of a lump of white stuff.

    American: What are those?
    Lancastrian: Them’s learning pills.
    A: Learning pills? They good?
    L: Aye. Right good.
    A: How much?
    L: Fifty pounds each.
    A: Fifty! (there’s grumbling, but he pays up and takes one of the pills) EUCH! That’s disgusting!
    L: You’re learning!


  31. hill billy atheist. thar aint no billy boy that has any crudibilty.


  32. Type “Best evidence of Noah’s Ark Mt Ararat”



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