I am Shocked. Shocked, I Tell You!

23 February, 2010

I am amazed.  Shocked.  Aghast.  Mentally obliviated.  Blown away.   Surprised. Why am I amazed, shocked, aghast, mentally obliviated and blown away?  Dick Cheney had a heart attack.

That doesn’t actually surprise me.  If I were to make a quick sketch of a prime candidate for  heart attack, Dick Cheney comes pretty close.

What surprised me was that I didn’t realize the bastard even had a heart.  Of course, if he needs surgery, there won’t be a hell of a lot of bleeding from that heart.</snark>



  1. Apparently, Cheney’s heart has attacked him five times.

  2. Do you have to wash your eyes with soap after reading Breibart?

  3. Cheney Heart Scan

  4. Heart attack…maybe his heart has been outraged by what the rest of him was doing and had no choice but to act.

    I’ve also noticed the facial caste of guys like Cheney and especially George Will. They always look like they need to take a wicked shit but can’t bear to lose the turd…when they don’t have a facial cast that reminds one of a large, mean spirited monitor lizard.

  5. Wow. You atheists are all heart lol. What’s next, pray to your created god Darwin for the death of an American Statesman? Real grownup of you. I thought atheists didn’t ‘believe’ in prayrer.

  6. I must admit, if I were Cheney’s heart, I’d attack him, too. Even knowing it might mean I wouldn’t survive the ordeal, I think I’d say to myself, “Cheneyheart, (for that would be my name), it looks like we may have to take one for the team. If nothing else, what would the rest of the world think of us if we just sat here, beating away, as if we didn’t know who’s chest we’re sitting in?”

  7. Sarge:

    Thankfully, I had just put down my tea when I read your comparison of Cheney’s visage to a “mean spirited monitor lizard.”


    Statesman? Really? Where were you hiding during the last decade? Also, we don’t tend to ask invisible friends (in general, we have none) to kill people. That is for the bleebers.

  8. Mathew, It is now the Tet season, when I have nightmares, old hurts twang away, and I look at the scars that are visible on my body and the ones that are unseen on my psyche that hurt worse.

    I fought in the Tet 1968 offensive, and that’s when a phrase was coined, a sullen faced officer said a city had to be destroyed to save it.

    I was about seventy miles from that city in that time frame, and at one point was involved in fighting room to room in a large building the ‘opposition’ had hardened and turned into a strong point. Our own side shelled the building while we were inside it, fighting. Sorry. Oopsie, these things happen. Big mistake. Someone will smart for this (but of course no one ever did). Because it was one of those accidently-on-purpose things.
    I know this, because I was one of about six who got out on their feet…still HAD feet, and I had concussion injuries and splinters from the wood and bamboo in the place. I was quite lucky. But the medics had us near the command party and our company commander was ballistic, screaming at the staff weenies who had called the artillery stike.
    He knew that they knew we were in there, but apparently, we were “too slow” so they shelled the place. No time to check if everyone was clear, or if anyone was in the place. Besides, we were just soldiers, besides, “there’re plenty more red-necks and niggers where they came from” said one of our nation’s finest.

    That is the mentality of Cheney, Rumsfield, Wolfowitz, and the whole boiling of those who wished the past ten + years on us. They regard anyone not them as less than human, plenty more where they came from, use them up for your own purposes and discard them, the “other”, worth less than the “red-necks and niggers” who may be disposed of without a second thougt, cavil, or scruple. And Mathew, he would wash you out with crappy diapers, like anyone else that would interfere with his agenda. In his way? Holding up the works? Then farewell and adieu to you, friend Mathew, for such as Cheney et al, you aren’t even a gnat.

    This man and others have caused the deaths, mutilations, displacement, bereavement, and impoverishment of over a million people for…I certainly couldn’t tell you why, their reasons don’t jive at all.

    Statesman? My ass.

    By the way, where do people worship Darwin as a deity? He took shits between his heels just like the rest of us, he’s only a man.

    About the only time I could see something like that happening is if a televangelist figures out how to pass a collection plate in his name. But as skeptics by nature, I’m pretty sure we’ll all pass.

  9. Chappie: And a little more of it dies each time. Explains a lot.

    Desertscope: No.

    Philly: I swear to Darwin . . . Ooops. Wasn’t supposed to let that one out of the bag. I swear I should email my posts to you so you can find the perfect graphic to accompany it.

    Sarge: Makes sense. And the confluence of conservatism and constipation: well, they are full of shit.

    Matthew: Where, in the post, or in any of the comments, did any of us even imply that we were praying for the asshole’s death? Can you even read with comprehension? Or do you need a preacher to tell you what the words mean?

    Desertscope: Remember, there are millions of Americans who honestly believe that the Cheney/Bush years were wonderful. And that Cheney/Bush were the greatest President EVAAAAH!!!!

    Sarge: And there are still officers like that in the military. Hopefully not as many as before, but they are still there. Both government and military has people who will, literally, kill to advance their career. And Cheney was up there with the worst.

    • Damn! Thanks! Missed that connection completely, and yet it was right in front of me!

      I can’t understand it…I must be getting old…

  10. Sarge:

    My decade or so in the Army was a time of relative peace (’89-’99). Sometimes I miss it. Then someone like you reminds me that I should be glad I got out when I did.

    Billy: I know that some people even now consider that Administration a success. I voted third party in 2000. Even as a (then) right-winger, I thought Bush was unbelievably stupid. I was flabbergasted that people were seriously considering an imbecile as the next president.

    • I tell the young folks I know who are going in and ask me that military service is like the ‘Little Girl with a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead”: When it is good it is very, very good, but when it is bad it is horrid”.

      I’m retired on full disability after fifteen years, and I can tell you the worst times weren’t in a combat zone.

      My now deceased brother-in-law once tried to encourage me to run for public office, and I, of course, demured.
      His contention was that an ape from the local menagerie could win with the proper management. Real encouragement! 😉

      A Bush-Cheney ticket on the one hand, and one with a vervet monkey for prez and a baboon for veep…which would be the more honest and competent, and do less harm? Hmmmmm…

  11. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Done in a maniacal laugh!)Maybe SIX is a charm….. 🙂

  12. Sarge: There are so many things I could write here, but I’ll refrain and let all use their imagination regarding constipated conservatism being full of shit.

    Desertscope: Nice to have yet another liberal and/or progressive veteran. There are lots of us.

    One of the arguments was tahtall we needed was a ‘caretaker’ President since there was no expectation of anything happening since the USSR was no more and China had gotten along so well with the US for the previous decade. The perception among some that I know who voted for shrub was that Gore would try to do things, but Bush would keep the expanding economy expanding without upsetting the applecart. Boy, were they wrong.

    Sarge: I say go with the monkeys.

    Barbara: Thanks for stopping by. If the networks would stop taking the shit dripping from his lips as pearls of wisdom, he can live as long as he wants. Maybe the doctors could convince him taht talking is bad for his heart?

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