Happy Valentine’s Day

13 February, 2010

Celebrating, of course, the 3rd Century Christian martyr (or martyrs) who, according to:

The Legenda Aurea of Jacobus de Voragine, compiled about 1260 and one of the most-read books of the High Middle Ages, gives sufficient details of the saints for each day of the liturgical year to inspire a homily on each occasion. The very brief vita of St Valentine has him refusing to deny Christ before the “Emperor Claudius” in the year 280. Before his head was cut off, this Valentine restored sight and hearing to the daughter of his jailer. Jacobus makes a play with the etymology of “Valentine”, “as containing valour”.  (From Wikipedia)

or maybe not.  We really don’t know and, since 1969, he (or they) haven’t even been on the liturgical saint schedule.  Because no one knows if he (or they) even existed.

So, in celebration of the possible martyrdom of a possibly apocryphal man (or men), we buy sappy cards, lots of dead (or soon to be dead) roses, shitloads of chocolates (which is a euphoric (if you eat enough (generally, about 22% of one’s body weight))), and shave our pubic hair.  Anyway, here’s a vintage Valentine’s Day card:



  1. Why do you keep calling catholics Christians? They worship thousands of gods none of which is God. All the saints are demons and devils from the pagan devil worshippiers dressed up as sort of Christians. And Valentine was a man who killed real Christians raped women and little girls and died rich. WHen the catholics took over and pretended to be the real Christians they were embarrassed by him and others who persecuted the real Christians so they made them saints at the same level as the pagan demons and devils.

    My wife and I refuse to celebrate this pagan ‘holiday.’ We will spend the day in church worshipping God and Celbrating the Good News of the Holy Birth, Life, Teaching, Crucifixion and Reserection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. You should try it. It might wake you up.

    • Because they call themselves Christians.

      Might I suggest a day at the library instead, or at home with a dictionary studying how words are spelled? You should try it. It might wake you up.

      • No, they call themselves catholics which is spelled and pronounced differently then Christian. If they were Christians they would call themselves Christians. They don’t. They are catholics which is not the same thing. cathollics worship the pope and saints. Christians worship God and Jesus.

      • Even if Matthew weren’t talking out of the crazier of his two assholes, the fact would still remain that at least they’re worshipping, (which, alone, should make a sane man shudder), someone who can at least be proved to exist.

  2. Philly:
    I was going to suggest that Matthew spend some personal time with a dictionary, but you beat me to it.

    I assume everyone here has completed their annual shearing rituals. If so, read on. If not, you know what you need to do.

  3. For some reason, Protestant fundamentalists don’t consider the religion on of which their sects are based “true Christians” because they have saints or other such B.S.

    Perhaps Matthew should look up the “True Scotsman fallacy.” It turns out they have it right on the Internets.

  4. Who knew about the shearing thing? (((Billy))) always gets these interesting tidbits.

    Ummm, Matthew, there were no Christians until the Catholics came along to worship, you know, that guy who was supposed crucified. A Christian is someone who worships Christ. Hence the Christ in Christian. Get it?

    We will spend the day in church worshipping God and Celbrating the Good News of the Holy Birth,

    Aren’t you getting that mixed up with Christmas?

    Personally, I think the shearing thing looks like a lot more fun that what you’re planning, but que sera sera.

  5. I know I’ve said it before, but when I was a kid in Ethiopia, the religious (my parents among them) felt it would be salutatory for them to have their own services and Sunday school.
    We would often clap our hands singing of a longing for “that old time religion” which, seemingly because it was good enough for Paul and Silas was, hence, “good enough” for us.

    One of the people we lived with was an atheist, although he was simply matter of fact about it.

    But some of the adults got to go to a Coptic service, and they came away less than impressed. It wasn’t, according to them REAL christianity.

    Our resident atheist (I was actually one, too, but still very much in the closet) observed that this was as close to proto-christianity as it was possible to get, why wasn’t it “good enough” for them, after all?

    I remember the angry retorts dealing with the notion that actually, the practices of the first baptist/methodist, Our Lady of Perpetual Flatulence, and any number of such rites as the people touting them were presented as REAL chistianity as it had been ALWAYS practiced.

    How relatively intelligent people could express such ignorance of something that was so important to their lives has always really surprised me.

  6. Thank you, great job! Exactly what I had to know.

  7. This is very interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your wonderful post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!

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