Panties in a Bunch Over Pink Ouija Boards?

6 February, 2010

One of the toys that we three kids played with when I was younger was an Ouija board.  Oddly, no matter what question was asked, or by whom, the answer usually matched the thoughts of the oldest of the three.  Not little (((Billy))).  Harmless fun.  Well, for me, annoying.  For my older sisters, fun.

Years later, I discovered that Ouija boards were not viewed as harmless fun.  They were, according to one local preacher (local (at this time) being Western Maryland) decried the boards as a gateway to Satanism.  As marijuana leads inexorably to opium, so Ouija leads directly to Satanic cults, orgies, human sacrifice. atheism, Darwinism, voting Democrat, alcoholism, divorce, and viewing the Bible as allegorical.  Apparently, Christians (the specific subset of literalist Christians (and selected others)) are so insecure that they think a children’s game — a boring children’s game — is a threat to their belief system.

Ah, but we, as a nation, have progressed.  We recognise that magic words, magic games, and, well, magic itself, doesn’t exist.  We know that one would have better luck selling one’s soul on eBay than selling it to the devil. 

Well, as a nation we have progressed.  As individuals?  Specifically, as individuals involved with organizations with really creepy names?  Not so much (from OneNewsNow – Business):

Toys R Us is selling Ouija boards, promoting them as acceptable for children as young as eight years old.

The pink edition of the Ouija board is listed for girls eight-years-old and up while the regular version is designated for all children eight and up. Stephen Phelan, communications manager of  Human Life International, checked the website and reports that the findings are disturbing.
“It is just troubling that these things are treated as casually as any other game, like Monopoly or anything else on this Toys R Us site — and I think it’s something Christians should be aware of and really not support,” he states.
He further believes that Christians have an obligation to fight against it. “If you go to the comments section on the Toys R Us [web]site, you’ll read comments from people who talk about being obsessed with it, talk about missing school for it, talk about the spirits they spoke to on the other side and how creepy it was,” Phelan describes.
The communications manager adds that the primary groups that deny the evils of the Ouija board are the ones who deny the spirit world entirely. He goes on to say Christians have a biblical mandate.
“We’re supposed to deal with the truth only,” he notes. “We’re supposed to have nothing to do with dark spirits. We’re not supposed to dabble in anything that would compromise our souls, and that’s exactly what this does.”

Now, I have to be honest.  There is something here that disturbs me.  PINK!?!?!?  What the fuck is it with painting things pink and selling them to girls?  There are millions (depending on how you count, billions) of colours.  Why does everything have to be pink?  Last time I was at Toys-R-Us, there were nine aisles of pink.  It looked like a pink explosion.  </rant>  

‘ “It is just troubling that these things are treated as casually as any other game, like Monopoly or anything else on this Toys R Us site. . . .” ‘  Well, Monopoly, and most of the other games sold at toy stores (Heigh-Ho Cherry-O, Chutes and Ladders, Scrabble, Clue, Trivial Pursuit) are all, well, fun.  It is a casual game.  Which, if there is any danger at all, it isn’t from spirits — it’s from boredom.

‘ “I think it’s something Christians should be aware of and really not support,” he states.’  Fine.  Don’t support it.  One of the great things about America is freedom of conscience.  If someone cannot, in good conscience, whether due to religious belief or other reason, does not want to support Toys-R-Us selling a pink Ouija board, they can make that choice. And there is the key:  choice. 

You, Mr. Phelan, can refuse to shop at the store, or invest in their stock, or buy any toy that Hasbro makes.  That is your choice.   Just as you can choose to tithe.  Or choose to marry any woman of legal age (or (depending on the state) man of legal age).  Or write bizarre shit on the internet.  Or you can choose to act silly.  Just don’t tell the rest of us what legal toys we can or cannot buy.  Your belief is your choice. Don’t force your idiocy on the rest of us.   

I have been asked why I blog.  This is part of the reason.  Not that I think Ouija boards are great kid’s toys (they really  suck, they are boring as all get out, and the answers are subject to whoever has the strongest hands), but because all human beings should have a choice.  They should not have someone else’s choice rammed down their throats based on myths written by some primitive goat herders a couple of millenia ago. 

Oddly, the HLI website (as I write this) is not available.  Perhaps their  IT people are rubbing their rabbit’s feet, quoting the Bible, and praying to bring it back up.


  1. We all know that HLI should really be called “Human Life, But American Fetuses First.”

    You’re exactly right on this. Ouija Boards are the most boring toy going. They’re not even as interesting as a Slinky, which can at least walk down a flight of stairs.

  2. True, but Ouija boards don’t get tangled up, so they can be boring longer.

    And, oddly, I hadn’t run across HLI before. However, I have gotten very cynical about any group with freedom, family or life in the name. They tend to be the antithesis of the groups name.

  3. These xians will not stop till we are all one of them. When we all worship Jesus the Crucified Zombie then they will be happy. Or will they? Hmmm. It seems that these dimwits think that demons exist and THEY ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN THEIR GODDAMN GOD! What kind of loony shit is this? Religion is not Star Wars where there’s constant battle with evil. That’s a real xian HERESY, to boot! Beliefe in Dualism, Mannichaenism or whoever the hell it’s spelled is a friggin SIN! These rubes are so ignorant about their own idiot religion that they will burn in hell for their beliefs. Dopes.

  4. […] Read the original post:  Panties in a Bunch Over Pink Ouija Boards? « (((Billy))) The Atheist […]

  5. It’s always something, it seems. The white of an egg in a glass in Massachusetes, the spitting through certain fingers of the left hand…

  6. I have gotten very cynical about any group with freedom, family or life in the name.

    You and me both. These days, all of those words are code for “there be fascist fundogelical fools here.”

  7. Seriously? The only problem you have with indocrinating children into the service of satan is that they packaged it in pink? Never mind that the inventor commited suicided off of a building. Never mind that about twetny children a year kill themselves after communitcating with demons on one of these satanic devices. Never mind that the Bible is very specific about avoiding satanic divices such as these. Never mind tht children as young as eight those not old enought to udnerstand dangers of satan, those too young to be exposed to the seduction of lies, use these to talk with satans minion’s. Never mind all that. You rant about the color pink? read your Bible. Talk to Jesus. Accept God into your Heart and embrace the Universal Love of God as expressed through the Holy Bible, the one and only inerrant Word made Real.

    I do think it is sick that they are trying to seduce innocent little girls into satanism indoctrination by painting it pink. Pink has always been the color symbolising the innocence of little girls. To use it to market the lasciviousness of satan, the sensual devil is sick. But the device is sick whether sold to boys or girls.

    You say it is boring. The boredom leaves an opening in th eundeveloped mind so that thoughts of satan, thoughts of disobedience, thoughts of sex, thoughts of uncleanness, thoughts of disgusting nature can enter the childs undeveloped brain. Boredom opens the mind to unwanted thoughts. Idle hands are the devils playground. Idle minds, minds not thinking about Jesus and the Eternal Love of the One True God, are an invitation to the destruction of the body through lust and destruction of the mind through impurity.

    Hasbro is now on my list to never buy from. Thanks for hhe information.

    Yours in Christ, Matthew

  8. Seriously? The only problem you have with indocrinating children into the service of satan is that they packaged it in pink?

    Seriously? You believe that people are being indoctrinated into the service of a fictional character?

    read your Bible.

    I did. The bits that didn’t scare the shit out of me bored me to tears. All that warfare, murder, incest, adultery, burnt offerings and so on are the stuff of which nightmares are made.

    Talk to Jesus

    I did. The bastard never answered. Of course, I shouldn’t have expected any more from a fictional character.

    the sensual devil is sick

    Yeah, well, he’s the product of the imaginations of some sick religious zealots. Atheists don’t believe in him and we certainly didn’t invent him. Satan belongs to you guys.

  9. If you think these things are really so “harmless” it would do you a favor to read through some of the comments here: http://wdtprs.com/blog/2010/02/ouija-boards-are-not-toys/#comments

    Just a couple from there:

    At the previous parish I served in, the Pastor and I were having lunch one day when the front doorbell rang. It was two young boys, perhaps 6th or 7th grade. They had skipped school…again. They carried a ouija board with them and were on the verge of what seemed to be panic. They had been “playing” for nearly three days straight and couldn’t stop. They were very frightened. The unusual thing was that neither of them was Catholic or ever went to Church. They said that they didn’t know where else to go.

    To make a long story short, the Pastor spoke with them for quite a while and talked with them about what was happening. I don’t recall what prayer or blessing he used, but afterwards, he took the board, put it in the fireplace and doused it with lamp oil and burned it. The two boys seemed very relieved. The pastor told them to never go near these things again. I think they got the message.

    These are definitely NOT toys.
    Comment by chironomo — 4 February 2010 @ 10:52 am


    Re the Ouija board in the attic: I was cleaning out the attic in my parents’ house back in the mid eighties and came upon a box containing a Ouija board. As a child, I had absorbed all the devilish lore connected with these things though I had never actually seen one.

    So it was with some trepidation that I lifted the cursed object from its cardboard coffin. It seemed to exude a sulphureous stench and a lambent glow emanated from it there in the dimly lit garret. A icy shiver of palpable terror paralyzed me for several minutes until my sense of rationality brought me back to reality. I resolved to test this oaken oracle and began by asking it simple questions.

    Are you the devil? N-O, it spelled out. Well, that was a relief.

    Do you know the devil? Y-E-S. The sense of terror crept back.

    Do you have a name? Y-E-S. It always helps to find out a person’s name, both in the natural and supernatural realms. Just ask Moses.

    Can you tell me your name? Y-E-S. Sociable little ghost, this. The pungent sulphureous reek intensified and a diaphanous vapor rose up from the board.

    OK, what is it? Nothing. At least, at first. Then slowly the triangle began to move, seemingly aimlessly then with determination. One by one the letters were selected. B-U-A-N. What? That’s not a name. I asked for the name again. B-U-A-N. I could make no sense of it. I tried yet a third time. B-U-A-N. The stench suddenly became asphyxiating and I was aware of the sound of crackling flames and gnashing teeth. I knew I was in the presence of something malevolent and unholy and I fled from the attic in horror.

    The next day I summoned my courage and ventured back into the devil’s aerie. I found the Ouija board completely charred and the floor partially scorched. Though it was a hot and humid day, the attic had a glacial almost unearthly chill. I buried the board in the back yard and put it out of my mind.

    Several years later, after the death of my mother, I was walking in the old neighborhood and struck up a conversation with the new owner of the house. He had been mowing and raking and mentioned in passing that in one corner no grass would grow and flowers that his wife had planted immediately withered and died. Where? I asked. As he pointed to the spot I realized with horror that it was there that I had buried the hellish tablet.

    I never learned the meaning of the demon’s name: BUAN. But I do believe that there is such a malignant spirit who wanders the world seeking the ruin of souls.
    Comment by Roland de Chanson — 4 February 2010 @ 12:15 pm


    Those accursed things are far from “harmless.” Unless you really agree with people like Hobbes and Nietzsche. Little surprise the latter went insane in the last years of his life.

    Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle…

    • Such BS. The board does not spell Y-E-S or N-O, the words are on the board in full. Jesus HATES liars…

  10. chironomo & Michael:
    Cute little anecdotes are not evidence of anything other than someone’s imagination.

    And, for your information, “Buan” is an anagram of “Nabu,” which is the name of the Babylonian god of wisdom. Obviously, you’d never respond to such a deity.

    “Buan” also happens to be an anagram of the Farsi word “abun,” which means — simply — “father.” You don’t think your father is an agent of Satan, do you?

    The letters in “Buan” can also be rearranged to spell “Buna,” the largest subcamp at Auschwitz — which, as you probably know was instituted by the Germans with whom your pope Pius XII collaborated.

  11. What wonderful examples of xian thought control. That’s why your fornicating popes invented the devil, you boneheads! To control you and your actions. Seems that they did a great job on some of you…

  12. (((Billy))),
    I’m absolutely gutted that I’ve been sick for a few days and missed this lively comment thread. I can only assume it was Satan who kept me from it. In fact, I was killing time on the couch with my new fuschia ouija board and I got a strange message.
    It said, “I gave you the trots so you’d miss something really funny, on the one hand, and extremely bizarre, on the other. LOL! Hell FTW!”

    • My God, what kind of wimpy spirits are you trying to raise? Ouija board is in da house!

      • I think I’m just showing my age. I’ve been a big fan of The Smiths since high school and college… a number of years ago.

      • And I’m showing mine. Who?

      • The Cure, baby!

      • By which I mean that Morrissey gets on my nerves, but I love me bunches of Robert Smith.

  13. Rev. Camarena: Welcome to my blog. Spelling mistakes are normal. Admitting them is refreshing. It is odd that some of the most rabid Christians are the most ignorant about their own system of belief.

    Sarge: Huh?

    Chappie: Agreed.

    Matthew: No, my biggest problem with this is the idea that a self-chosen few have the right to dictate what the rest of us may, or may not, do based on millenia-old myths.

    Chappie: Have you noticed a certain fear or loathing of anything sexual in Matthew’s writings?

    Faithful Catholic: I have an unsubstantiated testimony which states that someone who goes by the name of Faithful Catholic is banging the twenty-year-old man next door. As for your stories (which (barring any real evidence), the plural of anecdote is not data.

    Larry: Buna Mission was also one of the bloodiest small battles during the Pacific campaign of World War II.

    Rev. Camarena: The popes invented the idea of the devil? Citations please.

    Postie: I had a bad one, twice. It involved completely cleaning the entire bathroom. Three times. You have my sympathy.

  14. I’m sorry, but I have to agree, there is something inherently evil about a PINK Ouija board. 🙂

  15. Soo it is okay for htre government to tell me I have to vacinate my kids with vaccines that kill but not for anyone to tell people not to buy a game wwhich brainwashes children to worship the devil? So it is okay for the geovernmetn to force kids to study the great lie of Darwinism but it isn’t okay for people like me to fight to return America to its Christian Heritage in order to save it? Weird.

  16. Sharon: I find pink toys, in and of themselves, very disturbing. I refused (when (((Girl))) was younger, to enter the dreaded pink aisles at Toys-R-Us.

    Matthew: Failure to vaccinate kills, vaccines are very safe. The theory of evolution is the underpinning for such things as flu vaccines, as well as much of modern medicine. There is no devil to worship, and America was founded by men who were Christians and deists but that does not create a Christian Heritage.

  17. (((Billy))):

    My damn ouija board never got me no orgies, by christ and chewing gum. Musta been one of them there Chinee knockoffs.


    So you’re still out of your mind, eh? It’s kind of obvious that you’re possessed by one or more demons – after all, saying stupid stuff over and over again is a sure sign of possession. Or possibly you are a demon yourself, because you’re doing a damn good job of driving intelligent people away from your religion. Good grief, man, that must be it – you’re a demon pretending to be a Christian and cutting the legs out from under Christianity by making Christians appear to be the most perverse, sick, ranting, pathetic people in the world. Good job, kiddo! I bet you’ll win Demon of the Month pretty soon.

  18. No. I am not out of my mind. I am a Christian, an American, a Human Being Created in God’s Likeness, and wiling to fight to preserve the Christian America which our Christian Founding Fathers created. I am not a demon. Demons have set loose upon the world Darwinism, Fascism, communism, liberalism, abortion, contraceptives, divorce, drugs, and everything else that is destroying what was Christian America. Intelligent humans are willing to read and accept the Word of God Inerrent. They are willing to Worship God as He demands. They are willing to place theiri Souls in the His Hands, accepting the ultimate Sacrifice Given by Jesus Christ to allow all sinners, all of humanity to be Saved by the Grace of God.

    I think your reality check bounced.

    • Reality check? You’re the clown who believes in demons and kisses the ass of a non-existent being and believes really dumb ass stuff that can be fact-checked – which is wasted on you because you don’t believe in empirical facts.

      By the way, what does your god look like? You have pictures? Does he look like you? How do you know? Who said so and how do you know that person was telling the truth?

      Word of god Inerrent (sic)? You mean the bible, with all its contradictions, hallucinations, errors and mistakes and interpolations, its brutality and violations of moral law?

      You’re an idiot, Matthew. Your god, by your lights, gave you brains and you utterly and absolutely refuse to use them.

      Go away. You’re a sad little person, lacking intelligence, wit, charm, or anything at all interesting to say. Your pathos could drain the life out of a stadium full of Mardi Gras revelers… but of course you would see that as a victory.

  19. Ric: You are a sad, sad little man and you have my pity.

    • Actually I’m a rather large muscular man, and your pity is worth just about what your intelligence is worth. Your pity and two dollars will get you thrown out of any respectable coffee shop.

      • Sorry, I don’t drink coffee. Thanks for hte invitation though. Whether you accept my help or not is up to you. Whether you accept Jesus into you life is also up to you. You can only deny reality for so long.

  20. What is wrong with voting Democrat?
    But anyway, I do believe is is wrong that they are making ouija boards for young people. At the very least stop making childish pink ouija boards.

  21. Say what you will, ’tis better to be left than never to have been loved.


  22. Hey guys, long time lurker here so thought I would finally post. I’m a little shy because I’m a girl and it seems there are mostly guys here but I wanted to know why it seems you guys don’t have lives. Are the guys with very high post counts really better posters than the ones with less?

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