The Time I Almost Got Some Poor Sod Killed By His Beautiful Wife30 January, 2010
(This has nothing to do with atheism, just remembering a time I almost god some poor sod killed.)
Many, many years ago (last century, in fact), I watched a young couple enter a building in which I work. Mom, dad, a two-and-a-half year old boy, and twin 6-month-old girls in a stroller. Cute family.
They walked over to me, mom pushing the stroller with one hand, hanging on to the toddler with the other, and balancing a large diaper bag over her shoulder. “Do you have changing tables in the lady’s room? And where is it?”
I smiled (inwardly (flashing on my children at that age)) and said, “The restrooms are in that passageway. On the left. And there are changing tables in the men’s room and the lady’s room.”
She stopped cold.
Dad went white.
She turned to dad and said, in a voice dripping with anger, hurt, and a certain you-are-dead-ness to it, “You told me they never put changing tables in the men’s rooms.”
I had visions of the paperwork required if a woman commits husbandicide and decided I should speak up. Dad was hemming and hawing and looking scared. “Ma’am, this is a very new facility. Most men’s rooms don’t have changing tables.”
She looked my way, said, “Uh-huh,” and turned back to dad. She handed him the toddler’s hand. Then placed the diaper bag around his neck so it hung down his chest. Then took his free hand, placed it on the stroller, and said, “You’re turn.”
He took the kids into the restroom while mom sat down on the bench and began talking to herself: “He says they never put them in the men’s room how long has he been lying about that what else is he lying about he can change those kids for the next week no more go see mommy I’m gonna . . . .”
Dad was in the restroom for about fifteen minutes. Actually, more than that. I was downstairs giving a break to the front desk attendant and left before he came out.
Mom was still on the bench talking to herself and making strangling motions with her hands.
I didn’t read about any murders, so I guess I just almost got him killed.
All in a days work, I guess.
Now, of course, it is years later. My (((Wife))) has a different take on baby changing tables now. She thinks you should put the baby in the table, close it, open it back up, and see what you get.