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Happy Halloween

31 October, 2009

When I lived in Arizona, I loved Halloween.  We had small classes (I think that we had about 16 kids in my class) and, every year, it became a competition for the weirdest, most outlandish costumes.  Space aliens, zombies, train wreck victims, you name it.  Very few of the ‘plastic mask and plastic poncho’ cheapo costumes.  And, in a small town, trick-or-treating was really safe.  We could hit every house in the town.  Twice (one year my pals and I had two costumes).

Then we moved back to Maryland.  To the northern end of the Bible Belt.  To social conservative central.  To culture shock.

That first fall, I was planning a great costume — a demon complete with horns, fangs, the works.  And discovered that trick-or-treating was illegal in Washington County, Maryland (actually, not sure if it was actually illegal, but the deputy sheriff’s harassed kids (or teenagers) out on the town every October 31st).  Apparently, the churches frowned on ‘devil-worshipping.’  This was, of course, all to protect the kids from razor blades in apples and LSD in candy dots.

Not to worry, though.  The volunteer fire company hosted an ‘All Hallow’s Eve’ party for the kids.  With rules.  No ‘evil’ costumes.  No ‘ungodly’ costumes.  Superheroes, fairies, princesses, French maids, cops, firemen, angels (wasn’t Satan an angel?) were fine, but no leprechauns, horror movie characters, monsters or demons. I was turned away at the door (I went home, changed into an old jacket, stuck a half-smoked cigar in my mouth (I was 12), called myself a ‘hobo’, came back, and got in no problem).

Since then, I have been more cognizant of the anti-Halloween zealotry.  Churches holding movie nights to draw in the kids.  Hell houses with Christian hell themes.  I figured that I couldn’t be surprised by this shit anymore.  (Just once, I would like to prove myself correct when I assume I cannot be surprised anymore.) 

This, however, is a whole new level of weapon-grade batshit crazy Christianist shit.  This article, “The Danger of Celebrating Halloween”, was posted on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s web site.  Apparently, it was too embarrassing even for them — they removed it.  Now, even Charisma Magazine’s website has a disclaimer at the top of the article:

Editor’s Note: We realize that the article by Kimberly Daniels is controversial. It reflects her own personal views—based on her many years of ministering to people involved in the occult. We have chosen to post another column by Ken Eastburn which offers a different view of Halloween. We welcome our readers to post comments on that article as well.

So, how batshit crazy does an article have to be for Pat Robertson’s CBN to remove it?  For Charismamag.com to post a disclaimer? 

The word “holiday” means “holy day.” But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is “hallow,” which means “holy, consecrated and set apart for service.” If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer’s!

Lucifer is a part of the demonic godhead. Remember, everything God has, the devil has a counterfeit. Halloween is a counterfeit holy day that is dedicated to celebrating the demonic trinity of : the Luciferian Spirit (the false father); the Antichrist Spirit (the false holy spirit); and the Spirit of Belial (the false son).

The key word in discussing Halloween is “dedicated.” It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.

Time released curses?  I have this vision of the old Contac cold medicine adverts but, rather than the little beads, little skulls and crossbones.

During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.

The candy has been ‘dedicated and prayed over by witches’? 

The word “occult” means “secret.” The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

  • Sex with demons
  • Orgies between animals and humans
  • Animal and human sacrifices
  • Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
  • Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
  • Revel nights
  • Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
  • Release of “time-released” curses against the innocent and the ignorant.

Apparently, I went to the wrong parties — we just imbibed sugary goodness until we puked.

Another abomination that goes on behind the scenes of Halloween is necromancy, or communication with the dead. Séances and contacting spirit guides are very popular on Halloween, so there is a lot of darkness lurking in the air.

Communicating with the dead?  You mean like praying for relatives?  Asking for the intercession of saints?  Does she even take her medications?

Back in middle and high school, the radical religious right (at least where I lived (and (from friends) in other parts of the country)), in the guise of protecting the children, pissed on our fun.   We were protected from demons.  Demons which do not exist — those putting razor blades in apples (okay, there have been 80 incidents in the last 50 years (getting struck by lightening is far more likely)) or poisoning Halloween candy (an urban legend) and the supernatural ones of Satan and his minions. 

So who protects our children from narrow-minded zealotry disguising itself as parenting?  From religious freaks for whom the horrors of reality are too tame?  From the mentally ill who know that god has given them the one and only key?

From the real demons?

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9 comments

  1. Oh, (((Billy))), we’ve been chuckling over this woman’s list of horrors all morning, here in the office. Someone brought in some leftover candy and we’ve been trying to guess which ones are dedicated, which ones have merely been prayed over and which ones hit the bifecta and got both.
    I must admit that I feel considerably more evil, and sugared-up, after half a dozen “fun size” snickers.


  2. Postie: As a youngster, I was of the opinion that the whole ‘fun-sized’ candy thing was, in and of itself, evil. Or, at the least, misnamed — they should have been called ‘cheap-size’ candy.

    And the dedicated ones are the ones which don’t stay up until one in the morning before an important day at work. Or school.


    • (((Billy))),

      I don’t want to give away any secrets or anything, but I’m pretty sure you and I are the same age and when I was a youngster there was no such thing as “fun size”.
      That aside, I couldn’t agree with you more; cheap and evil… hey! Just like this god-bothering moron we’ve been talking about.


      • I think they came out in the late 70s. Or I may be creating my own personal anachronism. But, whether they were there in the late 70s or not, I REMEMBER THEM!!!1!!1!!!


      • Oh, well there you go. Like a Republican politician, I cannot recall anything between 1977 and 1982.


      • I’m prety sure that ‘fun-size’ candy showed up in or around 1978. But they were an evil invention. to me, the megasize candys are the real fun size ones.


  3. Honestly, my first thought is: how did she get that stupid? Her ‘thoughts’ are painful. In the words of the venerable Orac: The stupid – it burns.

    By the way: hey (((Billy)))


  4. Gareth: The scary thing? I have known people like this. Some religious, some not. The kind of person who never met a conspiracy theory that was too whacko woo.

    By the way: hey (((Billy)))

    Huh?


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