How Many Would Vote for Palin?

21 July, 2009

This was sent by my best friend:

I don’t like the word “idiot,” but sometimes …

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, ‘NO, it’s not.’ Four is larger than two…’        

We haven’t used Sears Repair since.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.’  She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said they were sorry but they could not do that kind of thing. The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.   
Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.  

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!   I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’ 

From Kingman , KS .   

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.   

From Kansas City

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’ 

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.    

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’ 

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS   

At a goodbye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing.’ Our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often.’ Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. 

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.   

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on. 

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff s office, no less.   

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’  His reply, ‘I know.  I already got that side.’

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS 

They walk among us … And the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE!!! 



  1. When I was studying at Cambridge as a post-grad, I was staying in grad accommodation. So remember, this is accommodation full of people who already have one degree, are studying for Masters, MBA and PhDs, and are at Cambridge University, one of the top ten universities in the world. So you’d expect people to be smart. But common sense might be lacking.

    One of the girls asked a question one day – “how do you work a match?”. We scratched our heads, discussing what a match head was made of – phosphorous, sulphur? We didn’t know. Friction caused it to ignite surely? Then someone mentioned safety matches can only be lit against the strip on the box, so there must be some kind of chemical reaction going on.

    But no, she didn’t want to know the chemistry behind matches. She wanted to know how you physically worked one. How you got it to go from little stick to little stick with fire on the end.

    She was 25. She had been smoking for ten years. How does one smoke for ten years and never encounter matches? I’m a non-smoker and even I know how to strike a match!

    I think I lost a little faith in common sense that day.

  2. I’d say one should confuse the clerks at McDonald’s. It’s profitable.

  3. I recently had a coworker suggest to me that instead of mailing 50 letter-sized envelopes to clients at $0.44 each I could save money by using a messenger service. The reason? Our messenger service only charges about $10.00 to deliver something in Manhattan.

  4. At reenactments we get all kinds of questions, most concern equipment, historical things, etc.

    We often get another kind though:

    Do you live in that tent all the time?
    Is that guy really sleeping?
    Are you hot in those uniforms? (Wool, coat, hat, pants, it’s over ninety degrees with humidity to match…)

    And even more odd:

    Is that a real fire?

    (And what we thought was the clincher)

    How do you get that fire here, and how will you take it home? (We told the person we had a special wooden box)

    This past 4th of July we heard the topper, though.

    One of our neighbors in the “petting zoo” brings her kids to all of these events, and this event she brought her two month old baby. She was asked:

    Does that baby like doing this?
    Is that a real baby?
    Is that baby yours?

    Could people get any stupider if they were decapitated? Would it be even noticed?

  5. LOL! “Idiot” is one of my favorite words; I’m also rather partial to “moron.” I sort of like “imbecile,” but it doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily as “moron” and “idiot.”

  6. Paul: I’d have a hard time matching that one. The more you know, the less you know?

    Philly: I’ve been overchanged a couple of times at fast food joints. Once, I actually got into an argument with a manager as I tried to explain that a $9 and change dinner should yield a tenner and some change, not $15 and change. He actually threatened to call the police if I persisted. I took the money and left. What else could I do?

    Postie: does your coworker get a kickback? That’s the only way that one makes sense.

    Sarge: I’ve noticed that when people get out of their natural environment, out of their cultural milieu, they get stupid.

    Chappie: Sometimes I think half the men in the US should have been named Morris Ronald [last name]; as in Moe Ron.

  7. When my twins were little, one was a little taller than the other. My favorite comments from idiots included:

    “How far apart are they, about 4 months?” Uh, no, about 10 minutes.

    “They don’t look the same. Are you sure they’re twins?” I was there. I do remember pushing out two of them on the same day.

    “One’s blond and one has brown hair. Do they have the same father?” OK, maybe not in the same category of idiocy, just fucking insulting.

  8. Mutzali: Four months apart? Have you come up with a way to reduce the time from conception to parturition? Around here we have ‘Irish twins’ — twins less than 12 months apart.

    Different fathers? And they asked to your face? That’s not just stupidity, that’s just rude.

    I guess that fraternal and identical just ain’t in the vocabulary for some.

  9. Mutzali – idiocy knows no bounds. I don’t know how you control yourself when people ask such stupid – and rude – questions.

  10. (((Billy))), while I agree about the cultural aspects (travelled all over the world, made doofus faux pas here and there), but… fire? Don’t they teach abput fire in some science class or another?

    The real clincher was that the guy asking how we got the fire to and fro was driving a brand new, sticker-in-the-window Mercedes Kompressor. He knows stuff that enables him to afford something like that, I heard people addressing him as “doctor”…

    I make fire. I knap flint. Sorry, I gotta say it: They’re so easy even a caveman can do them. Please don’t hate me.

    My grandsons are mixed race, and my daughter-in-law has been asked some very odd, rude questions. Pne is very light skinned, has straight, auburn hair, blue eyes, the other is dark, curly hair, more afro featured.

    My son and his wife have been asked if they have the same parents, are they really brothers… my son and daughter-in-law are very good with boxing and martial arts. People like taking risks I guess.

  11. My cousins are twins — her name is Lora, his name is Louis. (I think you can see where this going.) They still (they’re pushing 50) hear “are you identical?” a lot.

  12. Sarge: I understand the absurdity and stupidity of the fire question. I was merely pointing out that people do (and say) stupid things when on vacation.

    It amazes me how offensive people can be when they think they are being nice.

    Nan: They really should come up with a ‘zinger’ like, “No, we’re not even related. Why do you ask?” Might (and I stress might) make them stop and think.

  13. (((Billy))), I know where you’re coming from, it’s just…

    Well, I’m hardly any genius (wife and kids actually are, but that sort of thing isn’t all that impressive. Among other things, what two people do I know bought full sized pick up trucks with 4WD, transfer case, automatic transmissions, and engines that are so small that they looked like match boxes in a foot locker when seen in the engine well, and they ask me, “Dad, there’s something wrong with my truck, it gets terrible mileage”. And I must explain power to weight ratios, power curves, and they have an “Oooooooh” moment. The next vehicles they got netted questions like, “Dad, why doesn’t my new car start? All I hear is a buzzing noise”. “Battery’s dead, son”. “But the man said it was a new battery”! “He lied, son”.
    “Dad, I can’t find the dipstick to check my transmission fluid”. “You have a manual, right”? “Yes”. “There ain’t one, son”. You get my drift. Actually, they have a lot of sense and are good at problem solving, and are the go-to guys when there’s a problem that no one else can figure out.

    Me? I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer to begin with, I have learning disabilities, got a gunshot wound to the head that gave all those ingredients a stir and caused other problems, and I meet people every year that honestly can’t understand something like knots, trajectories, fire, basic things, and they are a mystery to them.

    I was asked by a man with a Phi Beta Kappa key how we knew when our coffee was done since there was no timer. Our ladies have sewed torn clothes of visitors, I’ve even fixed torn sandals of visitors, and they marvel at the “skill” necessary to do these things.

    Fair do’s, you show me a cell phone and I’m stumped. and this computer (I calls her “The Forbin Project: Collosus”) is about all I can handle.

    But, as the young’uns are wont to say, “Just sayin'”. ; )

  14. Sarge: I personally think that the biggest failing of the American education system (public, private, secondary, graduate) is a failure to teach cause and effect relationships. Then again, if C&E was taught, the GOP’s message would fall even flatter.

  15. Teh Stoopid, it burns.

  16. LOL! This made my day. It is indeed scary to think that we are surrounded by so many idiots.

    • Though I admit I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. But jeez, these other people make me look like Einstein!

  17. Robert: Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, these folk are obviously not the brightest lightbulb in the knife drawer.

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