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You Can’t Make This Shit Up: Dieting with Jesus

9 July, 2009

Since I left the army, I have, I must admit, struggled with my weight.  I won’t tell you what it is, but I struggle with it.  I had no idea, however, just how easy weight loss could be if I only believed.  Jesus will help me diet via a (I really cannot believe I am typing this) Diet Jesus Fridge Magnet.

Diet Jesus

The text is a little blurry even on the enlarge version but:

“Dieting with Jesus:  Because that ass needs a miracle.” (Wasn’t Buridan’s Ass a miracle?)

“Your body is a temple.  Fill it with salad.”  (Yeah.  A temple full of salad would smell real good in a few weeks.)

“Work those buns anywhere.”  (I had no idea that carrying an execution device was an aerobic workout.  Then again, if you’re about to be executed, what’s the point?)

“Fat jeans or skinny jeans.  You decide.”  (Weren’t jeans first created in the 19th century?  And weren’t genes discovered at about the same time?)

“Omega-3 fatty acids are a blessing for that tummy.”  (That one rates a full-bore WTF!)

And the good news is only $10.95.  That’s one hell of an expensive magnet.

I guess the sheeple will be good for it.

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7 comments

  1. I like JC’s headband – you could really cram a lot of thorns into that.


  2. […] This post was Twitted by BeyondGod […]


  3. I once posted about an article about praying for weight loss. If I thought it would work I would try it.

    This is just weird.


  4. There should be a Jesus ab workout. Have you ever seen an image of Jesus’ abs that didn’t look good? What was his secret? Tell us, lord! LOL!

    Btw, I think a Buddha fridge magnet would be more effective, like a deterrent. The site of a big pair of man boobs and stomach rolls might just stop me from going in there.


  5. Bruce: It has a nice Richard Simmon’s look to it.

    Poodles: If prayer worked for weight loss, churches would have no problems.

    Philly: Hadn’t thought about the Buddha fridge magnet. That would work quite well. To bad we don’t know any, you know, computer graphics gurus to mock one up, right?


  6. Btw, I think a Buddha fridge magnet would be more effective, like a deterrent. The site of a big pair of man boobs and stomach rolls might just stop me from going in there.

    I gotta get me one of those.


  7. Folks, it’s a parody site. Sorry to disappoint you. Landover Baptist Church used to link them, or so I thought. Regardless, there is some great stuff to buy. Be sure to head over to LBC also. Hilarious!
    http://www.landoverbaptist.org/



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