A Childish Argument Grows Up24 June, 2009
When I was young, I lived at the Grand Canyon. Right on the South Rim. Went to Grand Canyon Elementary School. Fun place. One year (and this is from How I Got Where I Am (an old post of mine (which means I am quoting myself (but I am giving credit)))),
One year, a story-teller came to our school to present an assembly program. He was incredible. His story-telling skills were wonderful. His last story was a poetic retelling of Genesis. The images he evoked were beautiful. God stepping on the earth to create the valleys and mountains; bringing the waters to the land; creating the animals; creating the forests. Not exactly appropriate by today’s standards in a public school, but, wow. I mentioned to one of my friends how incredibly beautiful the story was. My friend responded that it wasn’t a story, that’s how the earth was created. I laughed and lost a friend.
My ex-freind (Sean) tried hard to convert me to his version of Christianity over the next few years (he failed). One of his more memorable arguments ran like this: “Suppose you fall off the rim of the Grand Canyon (not that far-fetched — we terrorized visitors by jumping off the rim while visitors watched). As you fall, what would you say? You would say, ‘Oh, God’, right?”
“No,” I answered.
“Yes you would.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
Back forth for a while. Then, as I gave up, turned, and walked away, he said (to my back), “I told you I was right and you were wrong.”
Keep in mind, we were nine or ten years old, so that passed as a scintillating religious debate. I could never imagine that anyone, any adult, would use such and argument today.
“Have you ever seen somebody working on a fence and takes a hammer and hit their thumb and go “Awww… Buddha!” You ever see them do that? How many hit a gold ball like I hit a golf ball and they go “Ohhh… Mohammed!” Why do they call that name? You know what they do? They go “Jesus Christ!” “Jesus Christ!” Why do they call that name? Because I believe when a person gets hurt or they get angry, they wanna blame who? They want to blame God.
Well, shit! I guess that proves it. Last time I slammed my index finger with a hammer (never hit my thumb), I said, “Shit!” Well, I think I yelled it. So I guess this preacher just proved that shit exists. And his reasoning reinforces that proof in an absurdly undeniable way.