Christian Sausage Goes into the Grinder. Again. And Again.

17 May, 2009

Religion is, on some level (which I may find in this post), somewhat like sausage.  Most people like it but they have absolutely no idea how it got made.  Does your average twice-born fundogelical Christian dominionist have even the slightest notion just how many different forms of Christianity were around in the first few hundred years of the common era?  Does an Appalachian Pentacostal snake-handler have any clue just how the Council of Nicaea was formed, operated, or came to promulgate the Creed?  Does Dobson have a clue? (Okay, I know the answer to that one.)

Christianity was, is, and shall be quite messy.  The ten thousand sects of Christianity (each of whom (with a few minor exceptions (see the Unitarian Universalists (who may (or may not) even be Christians)))) know that they, and only they, have the only correct interpretation of the inerrant and ineffable (and how in the name of pluperfect hell can something be both inerrant and ineffable?) word of god(s).  And they keep right on grinding the Christian sausage (not a pleasant image at 7:52am (which is when I was (am?) writing this) into smaller and smaller pieces.

So modern Christianity went through a sausage grinder 1900 to 1500 years ago.  Then, since the sausage was so damned crappy (must have been blood sausage (with some crispy wafers)), around 400 years ago they started regrinding it.  Have they had any luck?


(from Teabagging for Jesus)

Well, they got the sausage to spell out “GOD” (or maybe “GOO”, not sure there).  Does this mean they will stop grinding out new Christianities?  Or grinding under those who see through the bullshit?  Or has paradolia reached a new low?



  1. I hear you Billy, and fully agree with you. And no, I doubt that your average Christian has any idea whatsoever as to how many different versions of Christianity existed in the first few hundred years of the common era, researching the history of their beliefs has never been a priority.

    As for the inerrant, ineffable combination. With belief, the Bible, and prayer, anything can mean anything, anything can be anything, and anyone can do anything. So I’m never surprised by the nonsense they come up with, I expect it. And I actually rely on this behavior sometimes, to be used as a learning tool for would be thinkers.

  2. The various sects of a religion, not to mention the various religions, all exist to satisfy the diversity of consumer demand.

    There is no absolute sausage.

  3. Info: They are more than willing to consume the sausage but have no idea what is in it. Or why.

    Philly: Never thought about it from a demand economy point of view. Interesting.

    And of course there is no absolute sausage. Absolute is a drink. Liquid sausages really do not work. Other than blood sausage.

  4. That’s all it is, a commodity, and you tailor it for your area. Did you know you can get lobster at McDonald’s in Maine, and sweet potato pie at some southern franchises?

    Did you know at some Christian churches, they believe a cracker becomes their god, and then they eat him, whereas at others, you have to wear magic underwear?

  5. Didn’t someone once say that religion wa something you had to be sick enough for?

    I heard a lot discussed this past weekend, much of it was such a confusion of contradictory, disconnected, bizare thoughts that I could hardly believe that the people saying it were the normally sane, thoughtful people I know otherwise. I know these people, and like them, and all my life it’s a shock to hear these folks spout that crap.

    One thing I’ve noticed is that many of these people actually do seem to think that their religion, like their alleged deity, “always was” and there sin’t anything apart from it other than chaos.

  6. I had a conversation not long ago with a new acquaintance, a young woman who hails from what I always think of as Deliverance country (I swear I hear banjos in the background every time we go visit the cousins who live up that way). She’s Pentecostal — didn’t know what a Protestant was as compared to a Catholic, had never heard of the Reformation, and didn’t realize Lutherans were Christians. I bet if I’d pushed a little bit, she’d have been telling me Jesus spoke English.

  7. Philly: Odd that such an authoritarian idea as Christianity has become so adaptable to new ideas in order to survive. Also, possibly quite encouraging.

    And the Mickey Dees lobster rolls up in Maine are actually quite good and cheap.

    Sarge: yeah, one would think that, for something as important to them as their church, there would be some curiousity there. But, curiousity is, shall we say, discouraged? in most churches.

    Nan: I remember a kid in Maryland who actually thought that about 98% of the world was Christian. When I tried to correct her, she went into meltdown mode. Apparently, I was denigrating Christianity and helping the devil. Weird.

  8. Ah, but have you ever actually worn magical underwear?

    The only magical power it possesses is the power to make you look supremely unattractive and to limit what clothes you can wear. Also, it’s incredibly, disgustingly uncomfortable.

  9. Oops, delete that comment. My roommate was logged in.

  10. Ah, but have you ever actually worn magical underwear?

    The only magical power it possesses is the power to make you look supremely unattractive and to limit what clothes you can wear. Also, it’s incredibly, disgustingly uncomfortable.

  11. I haven’t had the lobster roll or the sweet potato pie, either.

  12. Sean/Craig: Having an identity crisis?

    No, I have never worn Mormon Magic Underwear. I have worn some magic underwear for (((Wife))), but this is not that kind of a site.

    Question that (((Wife))) had a few days ago: if the MMU never comes off, doesn’t that make for a great deal of chafing after a shower or bath?

    Philly: I’ve done it once or twice. I’d rather go to a local restaurant than support McDs, but I have gone there.

  13. I can eat me some sweet potato pie! I, of course, invoke the “tater” in the vernacular of my youth.

    Nan, I had an uncle who was a baptist minister, and his bible was actually Greek. He would translate as he read, and often members of his congregations would be upset because “it wasn’t in good English like Jesus talked”. They just KNEW he spoke King James English.

  14. One of the final nails in the coffin of my belief came when learned about Arianism, Nestorianism, etc., and the Council of Nicea. Even assuming there was anything at all to Christianity, who’s to say that the victorious sect was the “right” one, just because it happened to have Constantine on its side?

  15. Oh but god made Constantine win, which then lead to the Council of Nicea, where then the council was guided by god to know which books were the right ones to include, and which ones not, so it all ended up right as god wanted it, or something like that. It’s hard to keep all the rationalizations straight.

    Oops, my bad, I meant apologetics. Hard to keep apologetics straight. 😉

  16. Kelly: Welcome. Glad you could stop by. Learning more makes it more interesting, but also makes blind belief much more difficult. I’ve run across that many times.

    Philly: Check in a mirror. You have a little bit of cynicism stuck in your teeth. No, to the left. Next one. Okay, you got it.

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