Just a Couple of Shorts

16 March, 2009

In honour of warm weather (we may break 60 tomorrow), here are some cute shorts:

Veteran Satan agrees to join Penguins

Last week, Miroslav Satan (Does this sound like a Broadway Musical?  Damn Penguins?  Shouldn’t he play for, oh, I don’t know, the New Jersey Devils?)  was assigned to the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins on paper (a minor league hockey team). Today, he will be with the team in the flesh.


It proved unavoidable, however, and Satan (pronounced Shuh-tan) (Damn.  I was looking forward to Saytun playing for the Penguins)  agreed to report today.


From the Around Town section of the Scranton Tribune

Peckville Assembly of God will present an original Easter presentation called “He is Jesus” (Sounds like an Abbot and Costello outtake) April 4 and 5.

The drama, written by Winnie Patten, involves a cast of 75 people acting out songs and portraying events from Palm Sunday leading up to the Resurrection (Sounds painfull as hell for the poor sod playing Jesus) .

The group went all out for the show, which will even include pyrotechnics and live animals (Pyrotechnics in a church.  Good idea.  I hope their insurance is paid up.  Do the live animals include sheep?  They could charge tuppence).

“Jesus will make an entrance on a white horse,” Ms. Patten said.  (Now, if a kid said, “Jesus Christ on a white horse,” I’m willing to bet Mom and Dad would be unhappy.  Besides, I thought he was supposed to ride on an ass?  Oh, wait.  That’s the Catholics.)


On a personal note, (((Wife))) is down in Florida for the week with family.  Before she left, though, she bought a couple of scratch tickets (we know that it is voluntary taxation, but she doesn’t drink, smoke, fool around, or vote Republican, so she needs some vice, right?).  She likes the ones that are games.  Especially the crossword games.

She starts scratching and, after a few minutes, says, “I won.”

“How much?”

“I think I won fifty.  Yep, there’s the T.”  (The winning amounts are in letter codes:  THR, FIV, TEN, TWN, etc.).  “Oh.  Wait.  There’s an ‘N’.  I guess I only won ten dollars.”

“Works for me,” I said.

“Wait.  Here’s a ‘D’.”

“What are the letters?”

“D, N and T.  I guess I won a donut.”

Actually, she won $1,000.  Most of which goes to the emergency trip to Florida. And (((Boy)))’s school.  And (((Girl)))’s band trip to Boston.  And gas for the van.  And . . . .  Shit.  That’s all, folks.




  1. Satan is a good hockey player. He’ll be an asset to the local team.

    As for pyrotechnics in church, if it gets out of hand, the insurance company may want to blame it on the Holy Spirit. If it’s an act of God, they won’t have to pay, right?

  2. Chappie: Ah, I haven’t followed hockey since the Bruins were good. Which was so far before my time that I can honestly say I don’t follow hockey. However, a game seven, I will watch. Pure mayhem.

    Wouldn’t anything that happens in a church be an act of god(s)? Or is it, “What happens in church stays in church”?

  3. Would have loved to hear the chants of “Go Satan, Go Satan”

    pyrotechnics and a horse? Don’t recall those in the bible. Them religious people interpret the bible anyway they want to, don’t they?

    Then again, they’ve been doing that for 2,000 years haven’t they?

  4. Congrats on the extra cash…although I’m kind of jealous.

  5. Oz: The idea of pyrotechnics and a horse brings up an image that I really did not want.

    And the Christians don’t interpret the Bible — each and every sect knows that they, and only they, are the ones who don’t interpret. Only the other sects do.

    Poodles: Thanks. It was kind of a nice surprise.

  6. Ah yes! The Daily Number and Scratcher…The “Pennsylvania stock market”.

    Trouble is, turns out that there was actually a chance you’d win with “The Number”, ridiculously low, but watching all these people who “invested prudently” and went around castigating the hoi poloi for their ticket addiction are walking around kind of shell shocked buying a scratcher or two themselves. Who knows?

    I really hate going into Sheetz and all the cashiers have got some old trot standing in front of them deep in consideration of this weighty matter, Which Number To Choose. A friend of mine works in one and he told me one old dear actually stood there for over ninety minutes getting her numbers. He said it was…taxing.

  7. Sarge: (((Wife))) has pretty good ‘luck’ (whatever the hell that actually is). She views it as entertainment. We go to one or two movies a year, we go out to eat maybe once a month, I can make a bottle of scotch last two years and a 12-pack of beer last two months, we don’t (ever) go to bars, we don’t do concerts, she doesnt smoke or fool around, so I figure if she enjoys the games (she doesn’t do the daily numbers, and if they don’t have the game she likes she doesn’t buy), fine with me.

    About a week ago, I was behind a woman in one of our grocery stores and she was reading off a list of numbers. She played once a week. The total she spent that day? $700 for a weeks worth of numbers play. And she was happy because, for the past week, she had won about $300. I guess she makes it up in volume.

  8. The fucking Bruins are currently #1 in the Eastern conference, numbnuts, and oh yeah, there’s a Scifi channel now, too. 🙄

  9. Philly: I know. The Bruins on top is pretty good. As for the Scifi channel, I guess I’m a little out of the loop. I honestly didn’t realize it existed ’til this week.

    “And don’t your roll your eyes at me. You roll your eyes, I’ll knock you upside the head until your eyes roll out on the floor.” — Bill Cosby, quoting his mother.

  10. My wife is the chamm peen eye roller of all time.

    Other women that I know tell me that she has good reason. After nearly a half century of contact with me she must have eye muscles as strong as most people’s thighs.

  11. Sarge: (((Wife))) doesn’t roll her eyes. She does have a glare that can (and does) stop traffic (which comes in handy when she works her street corner).

  12. Pyrotechnics in church, eh? I suppose if it all goes wrong we could chalk it up to payback for what the Christers did to all those heretics and witches back in the day. I just hope the animals get out in time. And as () indicated, if it happens in church it must be part of god’s plan and the idiots wouldn’t have anything to complain about or feel bad about.

  13. Ric, if they wait for horse farts, they don’t even need to buy fireworks. But methane is part of god’s plan too, right?

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