A Christian (a)Salt on Cooking12 March, 2009
Christians (at least, the fundogelical Christianist dominionist asswipe types) keep missing the point. I use kosher salt for a couple of reasons — it dissolves more quickly in bread dough (not sure if it does, but my bread rises better when I use kosher salt), I can sprinkle it on vegetables before they steam and it doesn’t fall off, and, well, because of the shape and texture of the crystals, I can use less (and still get the same effect) when grilling a nice ribeye, or chicken breast, or (shocking) a nice pork fillet. I use kosher salt for its cooking properties. I do not use it to show up Christianity.
From the Philly Examiner (no, not PhillyChief’s doctor):
Retired barber Joe Godlewski says he was inspired by television chefs who repeatedly recommended kosher salt in recipes. (For the reasons I stated above)
“I said, ‘What the heck’s the matter with Christian salt?'” (Lot’s ?)Godlewski said, sipping a beer (Damn but it’s hard not to stereotype here)in the living room of his home in unincorporated Cresaptown, a western Maryland mountain community.
By next week (Halle-fucking-lujah!), his trademarked Blessed Christians Salt will be available at http://www.memphi.net, the Web site of Memphis, Tenn.-based seasonings manufacturer Ingredients Corporation of America.
It’s sea salt that’s been blessed by an Episcopal priest (a gay Episcopal priest? a female Episcopal priest? C’mon, man, be specific), ICA President Damon S. Arney said Wednesday. He said the company also hopes to market the salt through Christian bookstores and as a fundraising tool for religious groups. (Just what the right-wing holey-roller christianists need, another fund-raising tool. I guess that butts in the seats just ain’t cutting it anymore.)
Arney and Godlewski, 73, said a share of the proceeds will be donated to Christian charities, but neither would specify a percentage. (The bidding will start at 1/20 of 1%. Do I hear1/10? 1/10? Going once, going twice . . . .)Godlewski said his salt, packaged in containers bearing bright red crosses (Swiss Army Salt?), has at least as much flavor and beneficial minerals as kosher salt (Because it is sodium chloride. You know, salt. Exactly the same stuff) – and it’s for a good cause. (A good cause: funding intolerance, bigotry, homophobia, and future scams.)“The fact is, it helps Christians and Christian charities,” (do what?) he said. “This is about keeping Christianity in front of the public so that it doesn’t die. (Unfortunately, no matter how many times the radical religious right shoots itself in the foot, Christianity will not die. I can always hope that their political influence will die, but Christianity? It’s like a boomerang.) I want to keep Christianity on the table (in a salt shaker, no less), in the household, however I can do it.”A one-time Catholic who now holds Bible studies in his home, Godlewski is a longtime entrepreneur. In 1998, he founded a kielbasa sausage business now run by a nephew (I wonder if they were Catholic sausages? Do they come in choir boy buns?). In 2000, he introduced the Stretch & Catch (No, too easy.) , a fishing gizmo that he says was copied and buried by foreign competitors.(Ah, I was wondering when the anti-immigration/forreigner bit would raise its ugly little head.)If the salt takes off (Flying salt?), Godlewski plans an entire line of Christian-branded foods, including rye bread, bagels and pickles.
Food industry consultant Richard Hohman, of Tampa, Fla., said Christian branding is a clever idea that could do well in the Bible Belt. (To quote K from Men in Black, “Damn, what a gullible breed.”)