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Will You Help Me Find My Pink Unicorn?

20 February, 2009

This morning, I got up for work at 0630 and (((Wife))) asked me, “Will you help me look for my car keys?”

I paused for a moment.  (((Wife))) never (and I mean never) misplaces anything.  I can ask her where my Queen 2-bladed hunting knife is and she will know.  Exactly.  To the point of telling me what is on either side.  So after the pause, I said, “Sure.  Where’s the last place you remember having them?”

She smiled.  Then she asked, “Will you help me look for my pink unicorn?”

“You don’t have a pink unicorn.”  I was getting confused.

“I know. Will you help me look for it?”

“Why would I help you look for something that doesn’t exist?” I asked.

Those bozos are looking for Noah’s Ark, right?”  I nodded.  “So why are they willing to look for something imaginary and you’re not?”

“Because I am sane?”  Of course, this was early in the morning, so that’s relative.

This conversation actually happened.  And I immediately thought of a comment added to Noah’s Ark Was Found.  Two Years Ago.  Really.  Posted by Theo before (((Wife))) decided to play games with my pointy little head.

There are many Christians who are just as skeptical of Bob Cornuke and B.A.S.E. as you are. He has no formal training as an archeologist, but he seems adept at making money off of his books and seminars.

Christianity Today debunked the same thing you are: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2008/may/12.62.html

I agree that this makes Christianity look goofy, but don’t let the fringe be your reason for rejecting Christ.

So why do these Christians, these skeptical and reasonable Christians, think that looking for Noah’s Ark is goofy?  Could it be that they know that the fairy tales of the Bible are just that, fairy tales?  Why would anyone commit time and resources to finding Noah’s Ark if it does not exist? Why would someone try to prove God’s existence?  Why would I help my wife look for her pink unicorn?

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20 comments

  1. […] Building Up Moms put an intriguing blog post on Will You Help Me Find My Pink Unicorn?Here’s a quick excerpt…that looking for Noah’s Ark is goofy?  Could it be that they know that the fairy tales of the BBible/B are just that, fairy tales?  Why would… […]


  2. You never know what you might find.

    One Christmass a few years back my wife was going to a meeting of a group she’s a member of and she called down that she wanted me to go to the cellar and get her (I thought she said) pyrex.

    I knew of a lot of that item so I yelled up, “What Pyrex do you want”?

    She yells down, and I heard, “Not the PYREX, the HYRAX”!

    Well, I wasn’t all that sure (given the state of our cellar) that one might NOT be down there, but I hardly thought that was what she meant. I went upstairs for a clarification and it turned out to be “pie racks” that were required.

    I’d laugh if they found a frozen guy with ID that stated his name was Noah Zark.

    (BTW, I just put the finishing touches on three models: an AN 124, a C 17A, and an Il 86. They turned out pretty good.)


  3. […] bookmarks tagged confused Will You Help Me Find My Pink Unicorn? saved by 5 others     thejokinazn bookmarked on 02/20/09 | […]


  4. The difference is, you fucking asshole atheist scum, is that Noah’s Ark and all the other quote fairy tales unquote you dismiss have more evidence behind them than any other words ever written. They are supported by the invoilate word of God Himself. Does God tell you to look for your wife’s pink unicorn? Oh no, because you pretend not to believe in God so that you can live your immoral life abusing yourself and your family. The Bible is the only true book ever written because it was written by God. That is more evidence than any so-called science like Darwinism. You atheist scum will die, hopefully really soon, and then you will know the error of your ways when God Himself judges your pathetic excuse for alife and throws your fucking ass into hell.


  5. Nothing like an example of that infamous Christian love and compassion. Mmmmm, don’t it just warm your heart? Like biscuits and gravy.


  6. Sarge: I, too, am losing my hearing. And you have a hyrax in your basement? I’m impressed.

    What scale?

    Christian: The bible is truth because the bible says it was written by god?

    Philly: Yeah. That good old Christian love/hate relationship.


  7. Well, we’ve got two black snakes (live), a cat or two comes in, a fox once, bats and birds that get in between the walls and flutter about disconcertingly, but I haven’t actually seen a hyrax down there. I reiterate, I couldn’t say for sure one ISN’T down there (a little over a century of clutter makes it difficult to be sure) but I’m fair to certain there isn’t one…probably ;->.

    The planes are 1:144. I’ll start on a 1/72 scale C119 and a 1:144 Airbus 380.


  8. That Christian either needs his/her mom to wash out his/her mouth with soap (that’s not the godly language I was taught), or he/she is a Poe.


  9. A Poe? As in “Poe White Trash”?


  10. The difference is, you fucking asshole atheist scum, is that Noah’s Ark and all the other quote fairy tales unquote you dismiss have more evidence behind them than any other words ever written.

    Do tell? Really. Come back and let us know where all this evidence lies, so we can assess it for ourselves.

    They are supported by the invoilate word of God Himself.

    Exactly what is this? Invoilate?

    Does God tell you to look for your wife’s pink unicorn?

    I found my wife’s little pink unicorn. It’s so cute, and really turns her on. Have you found yours?

    Oh no, because you pretend not to believe in God so that you can live your immoral life abusing yourself and your family.

    And I’ll bet you’re personally familiar with self-abuse. Probably do it while you write these comments.

    The Bible is the only true book ever written because it was written by God.

    No kidding? How did he do that? On a computer? Or with parchment a quill pen?

    That is more evidence than any so-called science like Darwinism.

    More evidence for what? Invoilates? You didn’t finish your thought.

    You atheist scum will die,

    Yep, got me there. Oh, wait! So will you.

    hopefully really soon,

    Aren’t you a pleasant fellow, now?

    and then you will know the error of your ways when God Himself judges your pathetic excuse for alife and throws your fucking ass into hell.

    What about the rest of (((Billy)))? Just his ass?


  11. Chappie: No idea if he’s a Poe or not. I wish these people would visit my site nevermore.

    I would actually enjoy a real argument with a theist, not the drive by idiocy.

    Spanqi:

    I found my wife’s little pink unicorn. It’s so cute, and really turns her on.

    Thanks, Spanqi. I never thought of it that way. Of course, now I can’t wait to get home and help her find her pink unicorn. Should be fun.

    And Christian? You call us scum. But at least scum floats, you sludge.


  12. About two weeks ago I was called, (I thought) everything but sanitary, intelligent, legitimate, caucasian, and a child of god. I mentioned this to a person who had been present, but was told I was mistaken. I was reminded that the accuser had, indeed, refered to me (among many other things) as “semi literate, gun loving, red-necked, white trailer trash”. Missed that, the caucasian reference, somehow.

    Intersting about our ol’ buddy, “Christian”. He must have missed the Sunday school lessons about the beatitudes, returning good for evil, that sort of thing. But then, maybe he thinks his deity’s really a pussy and needs him to stand up for it since it obviously won’t because it doesn’t exist.

    An eternity… spent in eternal “bliss” with the likes of “Christian” shouting praises forever (if he is correct), or eternity in a lake of boiling blood with Elbert Hubbard, Exterminator, (((Billy))), Philly, Garibaldi, Russell, and Ingersoll. The latter would be less painfull than the former.


  13. don’t let the fringe be your reason for rejecting Christ.

    You know when a Christian just doesn’t not simply “get it”. We don’t reject Christ or God because of the fringe, we make that decision independent of their claims.

    The fringe, imo, are the only Christians that make sense. No seriously, stay with me here. They know that their entire religion is a joke if “a, b, and c” are not true because that means “x, y, and z” are also not true. They fight for so many illogical things (literal creation, Noah) because it has to be true, otherwise they reach the same conclusion we have (that the Bible is not the word of God).

    Now, the “non-fringe” Christians know that “a, b, and c” are not true, yet somehow justify believing in “x, y, and z” without reason. At least the fringe Christians are approaching their illogical claims, er, logically.

    Hopefully that makes sense, that sounded better in my head. Logic is hard to map out in a blog comment section lol.


  14. Sarge: The Christian idea of heaven has always sounded like an eternity of boredom. And that’s without the hyper-Christian asshats.

    DB: My point exactly. The non-fringeites (is that even a word?) will not look for the ark (or for (((Wife)))’s unicorn) because they know it is bullshit. Yet they still cling to the bits and pieces they like.


  15. DB:
    Your comment makes a lot of sense to me. It captures the attitudes of quite a few people I know.


  16. Thanks Chappy, everything sounds great to me late at night!

    It is actually part of my (or someone’s) theory that the more radical one goes, the closer they are to the edge of losing their faith. Most are comfortable living on the edge, so to speak, whereas many who are less comfortable are able to logically let it go. They just need one piece of the puzzle to not add up in their minds and *poof* reason hits them like a brick. But again, that is all based on logic and we know how unfavorably these people are towards it!


  17. Chappie and DB: I have heard such people referred to as ‘100%ers.’ It is a totally black and white view of the world. No room for any grays (or, hevean forbid, other colours). For them, a Christian must believe 100% of the Bible as absolute truth. If even one iota is wrong, then it must be 100% wrong. It is either 100% right or 100% wrong.


  18. the difference being that you wife cannot have a pink unicorn since they do not exist. noah’s ark, or other Biblical artifacts, do exist because the Bible says they do. Jerusalem and Nazareth exist, right? or do you deny that those cities exist?


  19. Anton: Crap. You’re a troll, aren’t you? “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” mentions London, which is a real place. Does that mean that the Harry Potter books are 100% true?


  20. The BIble says pi=3, too. I guess pi must equal 3, huh? Oh, and the world is a flat round disk, the stars hang above us in a “firmament” and bats are birds. Hey, if your book says so, then it must be so, right? I mean, it’s NEVER wrong, right?



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