Prairie Muffins?

21 January, 2009

When I was a kid (actually, until a few minutes ago), the term ‘prairie muffin’ referred to this:


These were also referred to a meadow muffins, cow pies, cow chips (when dried), and (on one very uncomfortable day) third base.  Then I visited An Apostate’s Chapel (to be fair, I visit Chappies site almost daily) and discovered, down in one of the comments, a link to the Prairie Muffin Manifesto

Since I began blogging almost a year ago, I have found links to many, many disturbing things.  I visited John McCain’s campaign web site (and found myself banned the next day).  I found various site’s describing all sorts of woo: creationism, cold fusion, right wing liesBill O’Reilly, etc.  I thought (silly Billy) that my woo resistance (especially to Christianist woo) was fully empowered.  Today (and thank you so much Fellicia Gilljam for putting this link on Chappies site), I failed my save role and was exposed to The Meadow  Prairie Muffin Manifesto.

The writer of the manifesto had a problem with those who “those who make snide and derogatory remarks about those of us who choose a quiet life, diligently pursuing our biblical role as women and protecting the innocence of our children.”  In response, she wrote this (with my comments added (and I’m not listing all 51 paragraphs)):

Whereas we Prairie Muffins believe that our chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, knowing that we are not our own but belong to our faithful Savior Jesus Christ, we affirm many (if not all) of the statements in this manifesto, declaring our joy in serving Christ in the role He has given us and delighting in our distinctives.  (Translation:  I live my life for an imaginary mysogynistic psychopath (but let my husband use what belongs to the psychopath).)

1. Prairie Muffins are committed to obeying God’s law in every area of life, as they are aware of its application to their lives and circumstances. (Translation:  She obeys the parts of the Bible her husband and preacher tell her to.)

3. Prairie Muffins are aware that God is in control of their ability to conceive and bear children, and they are content to allow Him to bless them as He chooses in this area.  (Translation:  I pump out a quiver-full of kids and let my husband do whatever he wants.) 

4. Prairie Muffins seek to conform themselves to the image of God by not chafing at the trials and afflictions which He brings to them, but thankfully submitting to His loving providence as He makes them fit for heaven.  (Translation:  I will be a doormat to get to my heaven.)

5. Prairie Muffins improve their intellect and knowledge as they have opportunity, first by seeking wisdom from God’s word, then by reading good books and other materials which help them to make informed opinions about a wide variety of subjects.  (Translation:  The only book I will read (but only the parts I am supposed to read) is the Bible (and maybe some creationist shit from the DisCo Institute.)

6.  Prairie Muffins dress modestly and in a feminine manner.  (Translation:  I wear a dress so as not to interfere with #3)

7. Prairie Muffins protect the innocence of their children, until such a time their children are mature enough to be exposed to potentially-harmful cultural influences.  (Translation:  The Bible and the Disco Institute and nothing else.)

9. Prairie Muffins do not reflect badly on their husbands by neglecting their appearance; they work with the clay God has given, molding it into an attractive package for the pleasure of their husbands.  (Translation:  I gotta look sexy for my husband for #3 (or else he may do some Old Testament child making).)

10. Prairie Muffins are patient and forbearing, not responding rashly to slights, perceived or real.  (Translation:  Doormat.)

17. Prairie Muffins place their husbands’ needs and desires above other obligations, arranging their schedules and responsibilities so that they do not neglect the one who provides for and protects them and their children.  (Translation:  Doormat.)

18. Prairie Muffins are fiercely submissive to God and to their husbands.  (ibid)

19. Prairie Muffins appreciate godly role models, such as Anne Bradstreet, Elizabeth Prentiss and Elisabeth Elliot. They do notidolize Laura Ingalls Wilder (Little House on the Prairie) or Louisa May Alcott (Little Women); while they may enjoy aspects of home life presented in their books, PMs understand that the latent humanism and feminism in these stories and in the lives of these women is not worthy of emulation.  (Translation:  the 19th century is way too modern.)

23. While Prairie Muffins seek to have a multitude of wise counselors, they are careful not to elevate mere men and women to a position where they are tempted to idolize those whom they admire. They also are aware that all have weaknesses, and they accept this reality without discarding the good teaching of those godly people who may occasionally stumble in their weakness or with whom we sometimes must disagree.  (Translation:  Only idolize the hubby and the pastor, and when they stray, forgive anything.)

28. Prairie Muffins mind their own business. While that business may include encouraging other women “to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored,” it most emphatically excludes encouraging other women to run ahead of or resist the authority of their husbands or elders in pursuit of any PM distinctive.  (Translation:  If I don’t approve of your behaviour, it is my business.)

29. Prairie Muffins are open to correction from proper authorities. They are responsible to submit to their own husbands, to their elders, and ultimately to God. If rebuked by these authorites [sic] a PM should receive such correction gracefully and gratefully. If rebuked by others, she should take the concern to her proper authorities.  (Translation:  doormat.)

I encourage you to read the whole thing (warning, though — it is disturbing on many levels). 

I honestly cannot comprehend the level of submissiveness entrenched within this document, the addiction to misogyny.  I guess I just lack the imagination.  Lucky me.



  1. Substitute “master” for god and husband and I think I may have read something pretty similar to this… It is called “The Story of ‘O'”. 😀

  2. Come on… admit it. You made this up. You planted the entire website, didn’t you?
    Don’t get me wrong. It was a great joke and I almost fell for it, but I caught on at #19. I tip my Postal Cap to a jokester of the first water.

    Er… you did make this up, right?

  3. Poodles: Not familiar with it.

    Postman: No.

  4. Billy: “The Story of O” – Classic erotica, heavy on the B&D from what I’ve heard.

  5. Kate: Okay. So what do you think the odds are that these Meadow Muffins have not read the book? And the odds that the husbands have not read it, but would approve of the message?

  6. I must say Prairie Muffin isn’t a bad name when something’s this full of crap.

  7. Nan: Yeah. I figured the photo of the steaming pile of shit was apropos.

  8. Shit. I may never able to eat another muffin again.

  9. Chappie: Then I take it your are not gay.

  10. Billy: No way they’ve read it. I’m sure ‘Prairie Muffins’ aren’t supposed to talk, read, or think about a dirty, sinful thing like sex. And the guys wouldn’t approve – if the women enjoy the punishment that would defeat the point.

  11. Kate: Pretty much my take on it.

  12. […] Prairie Muffins? reddit_url=’http://www.baby-parenting.com/lma/directory/Kids_&_Teens/School_Time/English/Literature/Classics/Alcott,_Louisa_May/Alcott,_Louisa_May.html’ reddit_title=’Website Directory – Alcott, Louisa May’ […]

  13. If only they did just live a quiet life somewhere, like the Amish, but they don’t. These people are like shit piles, littering the land and when you’re not looking where you’re walking, PLOP!

  14. Philly: But at least cow shit just lays there (and, eventually, does something good — fertilizer). The desire to run everyone else’s life means that it gets flung in your face.

  15. Glad you … err… enjoyed(?) the link.

    As for Story of O, it’s similar to this insofar as it’s about a woman’s complete submission to a man – but it’s focussed on sex and contains a lot of unchristian elements. But, I do think that many self-identified PM:s are probably just women who are secretly into BDSM but would never dream of actually acting out such delinquency, so they settle for being household slaves instead. If they’re lucky maybe sometimes they’ll get a spanking!

  16. Felicia: I found the manifesto amusing in much the same way I found de Sade amusing. From an outsiders perspective it was (is) rather like a car accident — you know something bad is happening but you just cannot turn away. Kind of like Ray Comforts site.

    And you were the 2,500th commenteer on my blog. Congratulations. The cat is in the mail.

  17. Mark 16: 16 He that believeth and is baptized, shall be saved: but he that believeth not shall be condemned.


  18. Ah, ha! (((Billy))), you didn’t take the cogent argument above into consideration when you decided to be all gawdless and stuff, did you? I’ll bet that changed your mind, eh?

  19. Postman: And the cogent argument was not effective the other 29 times he posted it as a comment (in 30 different places).

  20. Thank [deity of your choice] for that 30th time, I say.

  21. Well, at the very least, he increased my average comments per post quotient. So I guess Micky is good for something.

  22. wow! good one Here’s some thing to make you smile: Thought for the day? : All computers wait at the same speed.

  23. I think this is some form of evolution trait to determine what type of person someone is. Whether they are out to get money, if they are different, a foe and dangerous. Most people would need to know how to work with to them.

  24. Admiring the hard work you put into your website and in depth information you offer. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed material. Fantastic read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.|

  25. Interesant, e bine de stiut.

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