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My Entertaining Valley

10 December, 2008

Yesterday, I wrote a post about a particular idiot in my valley who does not know the difference between Kiwanis and Kwanza.  A few months ago, I wrote about a neighbor who decided that child abuse was a small price to pay for saving some money at the drive-in.   Chappie, who lived up here back in the old days, mentioned that things seem to have gotten worse up here.  Don’t know if it has gotten worse, but it is definitely entertaining.  Here’s anotherquicky about my valley:

A DUI suspect (via The Citizen’s Voice):

Sometimes you shake your head while thinking about the odd things you encounter as a police reporter.

There have been mother-son drug dealing teams.

Recently, I wrote about a man who was jealous his brother had been to jail and assaulted him so he could go to prison, too.

Now, I have an interesting contraband story to tell.

It involves a DUI suspect, a beer can and a surprised court security guard.

Wednesday in Luzerne County Central Court is better known as “DUI Day,” with most cases involving driving under the influence suspects.

Last week, there was a lot of talk about one particular suspect who came in for an early morning preliminary hearing for his DUI case. He was detained at the walk-through metal detector when the beep went off.

According to the folks at Central Court:

A security guard brought out a metal-detecting wand and waved it over his body. It detected metal in his inner jacket pocket. He claimed nothing was there.

With a line of dozens of people waiting to get inside, this was no time to play, the security guard said.

The man finally complied with her demands to empty his pocket.

He pulled out an unopened 16-ounce can of Molson Ice.

She grabbed the trash and told him to toss it in. He did. Then, he walked over to the waiting area for his case to be called. He later completed his hearing and left — beerless, but likely in less trouble than if he opened the beer in the court building.

Everyone was left to wonder what he planned to do with the beer. Maybe take a few sips in the rest room if the wait for his case was too long?

File this under Idiots.

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4 comments

  1. some real bright lads in your area.


  2. Huh. I bet I knew that guy as a kid. 🙂


  3. Oz: Unfortunately, they are not just up here. Everywhere I have lived (Maryland, California, Arizona, back to Maryland, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Missouri, California, Arizona, Maryland, West Virginia and Pennsylvania (plus working (but not living) in Georgia, Oregon, Idaho and Montana)) idiots like this one exist. And, unfortunately, they breed.

    Chappie: I dont know how old he was, but it is possible.


  4. Here’s a court house story for you:

    Our band was playing in Hollidaysburg, seat of Blair county, about ten years ago.

    Our drummers father is deputy sheriff and he wheeled a carrier of folding chairs for us to sit on down from the court house, which was undergoing extensive renovation. The person who authorised the borrowing andmonished him to have them back to him within ten minutes of our quiting OR ELSE. And then he promptly went home.

    We got done, took the chairs back, and the guy was gone, no key to get in and put them away (the departed one had the only key) so we wheeled them where they’d be safe and out of the weather.

    Monday, Mikey goes to work and catches hell because the chairs are gone, and they look around. They find that the chairs have been walled up in a ventilation shaft (the crew was on a 24/7 shift, no one to ask, no where to move the things, so they just walled them in) and I guess there they will remain until the next major renovation … if the current schedule is followed it’ll be in about a century and a half. It was going to cost about eight thousand dollars to un-wall about $600 worth of chairs, so there they’ll stay.

    People will be wondering about that, AND I’LL HAVE KNOWN BUT I’LL BE DEAD! IT AIN’T FAIR! I’d reqlly love to see the looks on their faces when they’re discovered. Damn.

    But, Pencil Vein Ya is the state where they paved over half a dead deer, painted traffic lines over road kill in my town, and killed a bear to save it.



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