Church Signs #11: Rapture Meets the Godfather

6 November, 2008

One of the churches here in town has an interesting sign up right now:

 You Are On
Heaven’s Most Wanted List!


Well, crap!  My blog only averages a hundred or so visits a day (and 10% of those are people looking for absinthe or information about Obama and the Anti-Christ (If you are one of the ones searching “Obama” and “Anti-Christ”:  Christ, most probably, never existed, therefore his “anti” doesn’t either)).  God is so paranoid that He has me on the most wanted list?  I had no idea I was doing so well saving people for rationality.

(((Wife)))’s reaction was different.  She said it sounded like a hit list.  Like the lists that abused and/or un-socialized students keep coming up with (and occasionally acting upon).  Sounds scary.  God is out to get me!

Under the propaganda was a second message:

 Join us Saturday
For the Harvest Festival!


Is the harvest festival when God will come down and ‘harvest’ everyone on his ‘most wanted’ list?  Sounds like Rapture meets the Mob.

At the very least, the pastor really needs to take a look at how the two messages go together.  These two should not be on the same sign.  I’m an atheist, and even I can see that one.



  1. Clearly they need to publish the list, as they must have a copy. Then you’d be able to work out whether its a good list or a bad list, which no doubt will help you decided whether or not to go to the Harvest Festival. (Isn’t a harvest festival pagan?)

  2. I have in my hand a list of 208 communists in the federal governme . . . . Oh. Wait. Never mind.

    So is He making a list and checking it twice?

    And yes, harvest festivals are pagan. As I recall, the deflowering of a virgin, and then putting some of the blood into the soil, was a part of some celebrations (it actually held on in Russia under a thin veil of Orthodox Christianity until the second Russian Revolution. So it’s a pagan festival in which a Methodist Church will harvest the ones on the list. Go with it.

  3. Come now, surely it doesn’t need checking…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: