You Can’t Make This Shit Up VII

15 October, 2008

Picture yourself as a writer.  A writer of fiction.  You have come up with the perfect idea for a comedic political thriller.  An experienced, but not too bright, politician runs for high office and, every time he attacks his opponent, lo and behold, a video or article appears linking the hapless candidate to the same people or situation about which he just attacked his opponent.  Once or twice would be humorous.  Four or five times would be an insult to the readers intelligence. 

We have now, in the McCain campaign, gone way beyond humorous.  We are now, officially, in the ‘you can’t make this shit up’ department.  And they are running a blue-light special.  Every time McCain and his Rovian minions come up with a way to attack Obama, reality bites him in the ass.

“Obama has no experience.”  So McCain picks as his running mate a woman with even less political experience, less legal experience, and less experience with reality than Barack Obama.

“Obama wants sex-education for kindergartners.”  So McCain picks a woman who is rabidly anti-sex-education, unless it is useless abstinence-only sex education, and who happens to have a teenage daughter who is unmarried and pregnant.

“Obama attended a church with a fruit-cake preacher.”  And then he picks a woman who attends a right-wing dominionist church which seeks to overthrow the U.S. Government and replace it with a theocracy.

“Obama is radical.”  So McCain picks as his running mate a woman who has attended meetings of a violent secessionist group and her husband was a member of the group.

“Obama is an out-of-touch wealthy elitist.”  And then McCain cannot remember how many houses he has.  How many multi-million dollar houses.

“Obama has links to terrorists.”  And then we learn that McCain, back in the 1980s, he donated money to the U.S. Council for World Freedom (which financed right wing death squads in Central America (and the death squads tried to force people to change politics through, um, terrorism)) and his transition director lobbied for Saddam Hussein.

“Obama wants government-run socialized health care.”  And then it is pointed out that McCain has had government-run health care for his entire life,

“Obama is linked to ACORN (which is fraudulently registering poor people).”  And then a video comes out (from Florida) showing John McCain praising ACORN and other community organizers.

Really, folks.  If you wrote fiction, and used this as a plot in a book (comedic, thriller, or otherwise), chances are it would be laughed out of the publisher’s office as too unbelievable.  Might make it as heavy-handed satire, but nothing approaching reality on any level.

As I said before, you can’t make this shit up.



  1. You forgot after the Troopergate report was released showing Palin guilty of ethics violations, she said she was pleased with the report because it exonerated her.

    You also left out Palin receiving the ‘protection from witchcraft’ blessing at her church from an African nutjob.

  2. (((Billy))): adding Palin’s hypocrisy may exceed your allotted bandwidth.

  3. Well, dammit, I guess I have to trash my manuscript.

  4. Philly: I was trying to concentrate specifically on McCain’s hypocrisy. Well, not really hypocrisy, just his incompetence. I think he is as good as a Presidential candidate as he was as a jet pilot.

    Chappie: Agreed. Plus my mind would explode and, well, not just the fan would be hit.

    Ric: Sorry. Were you planning that great work of fiction? Comedic fiction?

  5. Ric

    Write it anyway. Enquiring minds want to read it.

  6. Ric: I ditto SI.

    SI: Is that Inquiring minds, Enquiring minds, or both?

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