Do I Look Like I Need to be Saved?

8 October, 2008

Seriously.  Do I look like I need to be saved?  I ask this because, on Monday, a Jehovah’s Witness attempted a post-piddle parking lot saving.  As Chappie, Ex, and Spanqi have pointed out, this seems to happen to me quite often.  In the past, this didn’t happen to me very often.

The first attempted saving I can remember was in a Zayre’s parking lot in Hagerstown, Maryland.  You can read about it here.  Then, nada.  Zilch.  Nil.  Zero.  Not a one.  For 25 years, no one attempted to save me.  It was like, well, heaven.

About this time last year (2007), I discovered the atheosphere (or faithfreeosphere).  I realized that my naturalistic worldview really did not fit with agnosticism or universal deism.  I realized (on my 42nd birthday) that I am (and have been for many years) an atheist. 

I had twenty-five years of freedom from theistic idiots trying to save me.  As I said, it was nice.  I didn’t realize how nice until I admitted I am an atheist. Open the floodgates.

On 24 February, I had not one, but two people, at two different times, attempt to ‘save’ me.  You can read about it in my post ‘A Nancy Kerrigan Moment.’ 

Then, on 2 April, while heading to a bathroom, I was accosted by a racist xenophobic born again.  I posted about that one in ‘An Attempted Drive By Saving.’

On 28 May I got hit again.  I managed to horrify this guy by telling him that I am an atheist.  The whole story is in ‘Yet Another Attempted Saving.’

Then, just this past Monday, I got hit with a Jehovah’s Witness while walking across a McDonald’s parking lot.

(((Wife))), the one with the quick and ready comebacks, however, only gets ones in the mail.  From a lucky Biblical prayer rug to an invitation to a Biblical Wealth and Last Days conference (why do they need wealth if it is the last days?), she just has to dump the shit in the trash and go her merry way.  I actually have to interact with the predators.

So, as Chappie asks, “Wassup wid dat?”  I wish I knew. 

I don’t think they see me as an easy mark for a donation as I really don’t exude wealth (middle age man driving a four-year-old minivan or a nine-year-old Mitsubishi sedan with two-and-a-half hubcaps, rust on the hood, and a dent in the door).  I have a teenager in college, a teenage girl with a shoe-fetish that is only slightly less impressive than Imelda’s, a beat-to-crap cowboy hat, a bathtub haircut ((((Wife))) has been cutting my hair for years) and a gen-x beard so, again, I don’t look like I can finance a new car for their preacher.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that, as part of my job, I look people in the eye and consciously try to look welcoming.  Telling visitors where to go and how to get there requires approachability on the part of the ranger.  Maybe I look too damn approachable.  But I’ve been approachable since I became a Park Ranger.

Neither one of those explanations, though, explains a 25 year drought, followed by five (5!!!) in nine months.  And, coincidentally, all falling in the latter part of the same year I realized my atheism.  Maybe I put out a high pitch whine which only born-agains can hear.  Of course, dogs don’t react, so that probably ain’t it.  (((Wife))) suggested that maybe God(s) has put a mark upon me which only theists can see.  A non-existent being put an invisible mark on my forehead.  Shit, that sounds like the Bible. 

Anyway, ya’ll are right.  I’ve been hit five times in one year (including one day with two!) and (((Wife))) has been hit twice (of course, with her I don’t think that they were trying too hard — they were just mailing it in). I guess (((Girl))) has it right:  “WTF?”



  1. In answer to your question, yes 🙂

  2. Micey: Welcome to my blog. Which question are you answering? “WTF?”, “Wassup wid dat?”, or “Do I look like I need to be saved?”?

    I do have a photo of myself on this page. The little kid hanging from a rope – my avatar. Of course, that was about 35 years ago, so I have changed a bit.

  3. I think we need a current picture to make an accurate deduction.

    That being said, I think some religions are getting much more desperate as their numbers go down. Therefore, they are peddling much harder.

  4. I’ve never been approached in person by a proselytizer since 1976. In those days, a group of ultra-Orthodox Jews hung out on 5th Avenue in New York City, not far from Brentano’s, which was a book store I — and every other literate person in the city — frequented. The accosters, dressed in medieval, “Fiddler on the Roof” garb, and tried to get Jewish-looking people to visit their “mikvah” wagon, either to sign up for ritual baths or to be given literature to read.

    Their typical opening line was “Excuse me; are you Jewish?” They tried this on everyone who looked Eastern European or Mediterranean, and, not surprisingly, it was fairly effective in identifying Jews. If a person said yes, or was equivocal in any way, he or she was followed for at least a block and a half.

    On the day that I was approached, the poor shill was about to ask me his standard question. But I beat him to the punch. “Excuse me,” I said to him. “Are you Jewish?” By the time he recovered, I was safely inside the store.

  5. you look like you need to be saved, but not because of your avatar. 🙂

    Is your blog header a photo you tooK? What park are you a ranger in? I am originally from Allentown. Right now I live in Miami.

  6. Micey: The artwork at the top is a painting by my (((Son))) who is now a history and education student in college.

  7. It’s where you’re at, genius. You’re in one of the northern outposts of Jesusland. When everyone is sipping the kool-aid, they feel strong and confident in approaching the non-drinkers. Hell, they probably approach each other regularly to chat about how wonderful the kool-aid is. Either way, if you’re in Jesusland you’re going to be approached regularly. Add to the fact that you’re also in the part of Jesusland where people bitterly cling to their guns and Jesus (as if there isn’t a section of Jesusland like this), you’re really doomed, pal.

    Down here, the nutters go door to door and all that, but they’re far less likely to run across that many others stained with kool-aid. Their confidence is low, so you can dispel them easily. Sometimes I kind of wish they’d put up a fight and try the hard sell. That could be kinda fun. Well, for me maybe.

  8. Philly: I never thought about it that way. Then again, my area is heavily Catholic (Irish and Italians and Poles, oh my!), yet (as far as I know) none of these assaults on my rationalism have come from Catholics. Maybe the evangelicals are really trying to convert the RCs and I’m just collateral damage?

    A few years ago, I was having a cookie and some diet coke after giving blood. A woman at the table asked if I read the Bible daily. I said no. She said, “Oh, you must be Catholic.” I replied, “No, I’m a Unitarian. I’ve read two different translations of the Bible. Along with the Q’uran. And the Book of Hopi. Be careful with assumptions.” She turned away from me and began a conversation with someone else. I left. I had forgotten about that one until I read your assessment of my predicament.

  9. […]  I have had way too many people try to witness me, but have never been […]

  10. […]  I have had way too many people try to witness me, but have never been […]

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