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A Brush With A Jehovah’s Witness

6 October, 2008

My days off are Monday and Tuesday.  Of course, (((Wife))) has to work her street corner in South Wilkes-Barre any day school is in session.   I slept in during her morning shift, but went with her for the afternoon.  Unfortunately, I had to make a run for facilities.  Fortunately, there is a Mickey Dees not far from her street corner. 

After my quick constitutional, as I walked back out to the minivan, a nicely dressed younger man (mid 30s?) approached me and asked, “May I have a moment of your time, sir?”

My response was meant to show that, if he is selling, I’m not interested:  “Maybe.”

“Thank you, sir.  I know this sounds personal, but have you lost a close family member?”

Okay, that is not what I expected.  “Yes.”

“Where is that person now?”

“She’s dead.  Her ashes are in the soil at a special place.”

“But what about her soul, her consciousness?” he asked.

Ah.  Now I get where this is going.  Time to nip this one in the bud.  “Dead is dead.  Consciousness does not exist without a working brain.”  And (to myself) I wonder if yours is working.

I expected him to start talking about eternal life, heaven, hell, the whole shebang.  He surprised me.  “Ah, wonderful.  Someone who understands reality.”

What the hell.  Am I being witnessed by an atheist?  Then he pushed a pamphlet into my hand titled, “What Hope for Dead Loved Ones?”  Then he said, “Thank you for your time, sir.  Have a pleasant day.”

It was an interesting read.  Actually, make that bizarre. 

Apparently, this group of Christians believe that death, being the absence of life, means that there is no conscious thought.  Dead is dead.  Wow.  A Christian sect with a coherent view of death.  Wow, was I wrong. 

No heaven, no hell, just a full body resurrection at some future date.  And the proof?  Bible quotes.  Quotes from a 1960 version of the Bible written just for the Jehovah’s Witnesses.  (If you want to subject yourself to the full text, I found it at (believe it or not) an AARP website.)

This was my first brush with actual JW theology.  No more or less scary than any other Christian sect (though, compared to some of Palin’s churches, these folks sound almost sane).  Just run-of-mill batshit crazy.

I do, however, think it is unfair.  (((Wife))) gets subjected to attempted savings by mail (twice in the past year (the latest was for a Biblical Riches Seminar)).  Me?  Do I get mailings?  No.  I have fruitcakes coming up to me at work, at gas stations, and coming out of a McDonald’s bathroom. I really need to learn to look both psychotic and angry to keep these fruitcakes away from me.

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12 comments

  1. you had me a bot worried with the opening line “(((Wife))) has to work her street corner ..”
    I know times are a bit tough in America at the moment, but making (((Wife))) work the streets??? (((Billy))) have you no shame???
    LOL 🙂

    Didn’t know JW’s don’t believe in heaven and hell (I’ve always told them to go away when they come knocking so never really found out what they believe in), but full resurrection is just as loony.


  2. Ozzie: I’ve been reading a little bit about it, and 144,000 believers get to go directly to heaven, the rest get to deal with the ressurection thing. Strange.

    (((Wife))) does a very good job working her street corner. No kids have been run over at her intersection.


  3. My mom works a street too. Not really a corner, but a street none the less. No injured kids there either.


  4. We were just in Reno and the bible beaters avioded my wife and I like the plague. Maybe I exude “keep away from my you batshit crazies.”


  5. (((B))):
    You seem to get accosted by Christians a lot. May I suggest you buy yourself a decent hat that covers your horns?


  6. Ex: I wear a cowboy hat (usually). You’d think that would cover it, right? Or maybe they just assume that I’m already a fundogelical Republican because of the hat.

    What, pray tell, would you define as a ‘decent hat?’


  7. You seem to get accosted by Christians a lot.

    I noticed that too. I never get accosted on the street, or anywhere for that matter, by religious proselytizers. Sometimes, I wish I would, just to see how I would react.


  8. SI: The weird thing (well, there’s lots of weird things, but this is just one) is that before this year, it had happened to me a total of maybe four times. This year, I had two in one day. Do I look like I need to be saved?


  9. My wife and sons joined me in Nurnburg, Germany in 1977, and we lived down town. The first people to come say “Hidee” were, in fact, Jehovah’s Witnesses. Wife acted like she didn’t understand them (she didn’t speak German at the time but yes, she DID know all about “The Watch Tower” (“Die Wachtturm”, in German) and thought she’d got away clean. The guy they sent next day spoke English. Bah.

    The Chick Tracts bring up a very odd phenomenon seeming to take place in this area. People are leaving what LOOKS like those things in the areas that Chick thingees are usually left, but inside is cartoon porn. It’s a hoot to see someone open one of those expecting to see “The Good Word” and…it isn’t what was first thought!


  10. Sarge: Usually, the number of people in the world who speak English is an advantage. Sometimes, not so much.

    I haven’t seen any of the pseudo-Chick Tracts anywhere. Could have an interesting effect upon some narrow-minded moralists.


  11. I could be wrong, but I thought they saw this world as hell. What happens after death, in their opinion, I don’t know. Isn’t there something about getting your own planet? Oh wait, that’s Mormons. Nevermind


  12. I have to agree with Ex and SI – you seem to be a fundy magnet. You get preached at more than I do, and most of my family and friends are still Christians! Wassup wid dat?



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