Bribery for Christ31 August, 2008
Blake Nicholson, AP, put out an article which hit our local newspaper yesterday. The title in our local paper was: “Filling Tanks, and Pews.” Basically, some churches are raffling off gas cards to get people to come to worship during the summer. However, Robert Kruschwitz, at the Baylor University’s The Center for Christian Ethics (giggle), says this is unseemly, amounting to “a bribe.”
So some higher up god people think that bribing people into church is unseemly.. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that pretty much what religion has been doing all along? Well, bribery and/or a protection racket.
Chruches bribe people all the time! Come to church, drink the Koolaid, believe the unbelievable, and you, yes you, don’t have to die. Believe what you are told to believe, and you can spend an eternity in heaven, eating ambrosia (isn’t that jello mixed with whipped cream?), waving palm fronds (won’t your arms get tired?), singing hosannahs (hopefully Handel’s version — that one is actually pretty good), and getting an awesome tan from the glow of god(s) (all one or three of them). Come to church and be saved. Sounds like a bribe to me.
But it has also been a pretty good protection racket. Come to church, drink the Koolaid, believe the unbelievable, or you, yes you, will go to hell. Believe what we tell you to believe, or you will spend eternity listening to crappy Christian rock (no Handel for you!), eating jello mixed with whipped cream (in hell you get yellow jello), performing endless aerobics to Hooked on Classics, and getting a real good tan from all the fire (of course, you are IN the fire, but that’s a detail). Come to church (and contribute to our coffers) or go to hell. Sounds like a protection racket to me.
A few churches understand advertising. You have to spend money to make money. For a “$200 investment [the church] made, [the church] got featured in the local newspaper once, twice on TV, and it’s the buzz around town.” Butts in the seats means cash in the collection plate. Bribery and protection rackets have been proven to work. But if you do it for god(s) and Jehayzus, bribery and racketeering are a good thing.