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Bribery for Christ

31 August, 2008

Blake Nicholson, AP, put out an article which hit our local newspaper yesterday.  The title in our local paper was:  “Filling Tanks, and Pews.”  Basically, some churches are raffling off gas cards to get people to come to worship during the summer.  However, Robert Kruschwitz, at the Baylor University’s The Center for Christian Ethics (giggle), says this is unseemly, amounting to “a bribe.” 

So some higher up god people think that bribing people into church is unseemly..  Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that pretty much what religion has been doing all along?  Well, bribery and/or a protection racket.

Chruches bribe people all the time!  Come to church, drink the Koolaid, believe the unbelievable, and you, yes you, don’t have to die.  Believe what you are told to believe, and you can spend an eternity in heaven, eating ambrosia (isn’t that jello mixed with whipped cream?), waving palm fronds (won’t your arms get tired?), singing hosannahs (hopefully Handel’s version — that one is actually pretty good), and getting an awesome tan from the glow of god(s) (all one or three of them).  Come to church and be saved.  Sounds like a bribe to me.

But it has also been a pretty good protection racket.  Come to church, drink the Koolaid, believe the unbelievable, or you, yes you, will go to hell.  Believe what we tell you to believe, or you will spend eternity listening to crappy Christian rock (no Handel for you!), eating jello mixed with whipped cream (in hell you get yellow jello), performing endless aerobics to Hooked on Classics, and getting a real good tan from all the fire (of course, you are IN the fire, but that’s a detail).  Come to church (and contribute to our coffers) or go to hell.  Sounds like a protection racket to me.

A few churches understand advertising.  You have to spend money to make money.  For a “$200 investment [the church] made, [the church] got featured in the local newspaper once, twice on TV, and it’s the buzz around town.”  Butts in the seats means cash in the collection plate.  Bribery and protection rackets have been proven to work.  But if you do it for god(s) and Jehayzus, bribery and racketeering  are a good thing.

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5 comments

  1. The Irony…it burns!


  2. They want luciferians to go to church and be saved. Then they will leave people alone. Jesus had his life ruined by lucifer and was tortured and nailed to a cross. Lucifer then raised him from the dead. Jesus is an example of damning humans. We need to understand this and maybe we can win.

    Heaven and hell are another existence. God gave us this one and we choose Jesus so we don’t have to lived damned. Unfortunately there are millions of luciferians choosing lucifer and ruining our lives. Earth can be heaven or hell and it’s hell because of the things choosing it. Dreaming is a disease because these things won’t stop. The way to win is to make this existence heaven and die. When we die, we have no existence and have cheated the second death.

    The church is doing us favor and when they say they can go to heaven, it’s another existence. Maybe they’re damning them. Maybe they’ll stay at the church and leave other people alone. Yes, it’s a bribe and that is the church paying them for picking lucifer.

    The cash has always been the answer. Why wouldn’t I pay them for taking care of the luciferians?


  3. Poodles: Do you suppose the word ‘irony’ has any meaning for them?

    A cultural . . .: Welcome to my blog. Keep in mind, I’m a naturalist. If a supernatural explanation is not necessary, why use one? Nature can be, has been, explained through natural means. I see no necessity for god(s).

    As for ‘luciferians,’ huh? A worshipper of Lucille Ball?

    The church (which version of which church?) is “doing us a favor”? Bribery and racketeering are a “favor”? If your daughter’s boyfriend told her: “Love me, or I will punish you,” or “I’ll give you money to love me,” would that be acceptable?


  4. Sort of reminds me of prostitution.

    Big pimp won’t beat ot kill you if you do what it says and rewards you by letting you not suffer by letting you praise it forever.

    When I was being frog marched to church as a boy I was harranggued about “The Gift” that was so freely given. Actually saw people wax tearful that a great deity would sacrifice itself to save an unworthy world…

    But then came thestrings attached to “The Gift That Was Freely Given”, as apparently “The Gift” wasn’t enough. Nope, belief, baptism, faith, living according “The Word”, etcetera, etcetera. And any one of the contradictions or “Straying From The Path” would vitiate “The Gift”.

    What kind of favor is that?


  5. Bribery has a long tradition in religion. Remember the loaves and fishes? Jebus fed the multitude, and they stayed for the sermon.

    Many years ago, back when I was still in high school being raised in an essentially agnostic household (neither parent was an atheist, but neither parent pushed church at us either), my younger siblings started going to Baptist Sunday school and also their Hitler Youth Group (Awana) meetings. Why? My sister said they’d figured out that Baptists practiced the Cracker Jack of religions — they always gave the kids treats of some sort: candy, toys, cookies, sodas. She thought the religious teachings were a waste of time, but went for the prizes.

    To be honest, if I drove a car (I’m lucky enough to have access to public transit so that’s what I use) and I heard the local Bible thumper was handing out gas cards, I might be willing to sleep through a sermon or two myself. Anything to deplete their coffers.



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