Penis Trees

4 August, 2008

A couple of days ago, (((Wife))), (((Boy))) and I were heading down to the DMV in order to practice parallel parking  (he failed his drivers test when he performed a proportionally perfect parallel park — five feet from the curb). 

turn left at the stop sign and parallel park -- he failed.

turn left at the stop sign and parallel park -- he failed.


On the way down, while passing Saint Mary’s Orthodox Cemetary, (((Wife))) suddenly screams, “Penis Tree!!! Penis Tree!!!” while laughing uproariously.  Looking to the right, I saw this (the name on  the gravestone has been changed to protect the stupidity of the family who allowed these trees to be placed next to their loved ones grave):

 Yes, folks, Penis Trees.  The next five minutes were filled with comments about the White House (Dick and Bush), androgynous trees (penis bush), the dead guy’s occupation (moyle, urologist, Enzyte board of directors), and questions about what kind of idiot would actually trim yew trees to look like this.

Okay, folks.  Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with a more appropriate name for the gravestone (again, Rodney Dicke is not the original name) and/or a good caption for the photo.

(Tungtide — this is an unusual post;  most of mine are not nearly this weird). 



  1. What makes you think that I’m going to comment on this? Wait…

    Weirdness is perfectly acceptable. It’s par for the course in my life and highly encouraged. Penis trees would invariably have my entire family laughing and making similar jokes.

  2. Those are penis bushes. This is a penis tree.

    • Brian Cox
    • Richard Head
    • Abe Viagra
    • Benny Balls
    • Dickey Sucher
    • B.J. Swallows
    • Marvin Gay

    • He’s the second cock on your right

  3. (((Wife))) asked (just a few minutes ago) what kind of a bird would land on that tree? Her answer? A swallow.

    Tungtide: Welcome to my blog. Again, don’t judge me from this post. A few have actually been pretty good.

    Philly: Not bad. Yew trees really are trees, though. At least I think they are. Any botanists out there?

  4. Richard Face

    only because that is a real name – he was the former Minister for gaming in the New South Wales government.

  5. It’s a walking palm. The “penises” are roots that the tree shoots out to pull itself into sunlight. It’s native to Central American rain forests.

  6. I need me some of those. I bet I could groom some of my hedges to look similar…hhhmmm

  7. This one is easy. John McCain or Mike Hawk…your pick.

  8. There is always the possibility that those are not trees at all and the people buried there are extremely well endowed

  9. DB: At the risk of sounding clueless, who is Mike Hawk?

    Tungtide: We discussed that. But what about the colour?

  10. Here lies the Jolly Green Giant. Sorry, he didn’t quite fit.

  11. Gangrene followed by significant moss growth?

  12. Poodles, that Jolly Green Giant comment put anything I was going to say right out of my mind. I think my martini actually came out my nose. That certainly isn’t Sprout buried nearby…unless he’s all grown up :-p

  13. (((Billy))), at the risk of missing your joke (if indeed a joke), Mike Hawk…My Cock.

  14. Poodles: You get one point (redeemable for one free visist to (((Billy))) The Atheist within the next 7 days, 3 hours and 12 minutes) for making me laugh out loud.

    Tungtide: I like it. Had it preceded Poodles, you would most likely have gotten a point. However, compared to JGG, your moss pales.

    Laurie: Martini? Scotch is better. And if that’s Sprout, damn he really did grow up.

    DB: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah. D’oh!

  15. Fair enough, I was busy and didn’t get back to commenting fast enough.

    Why are you issuing points to commenters? Are these points redeemable for prizes?

  16. Tungtide: Yes. The points are redeemable for one free visit to (((Billy))) The Atheist, but there is a time limit.

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