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If you’re not careful, you learn something new every day!

14 June, 2008

Really.

It’s true.

I drove up to Sheetz to pick up (((Boy))) from work (it’s really not that far, but it’s raining, so . . .) and noticed what I thought was a bunch of Shriner’s stickers on the back of a ratty old Oldsmobile.  While stopped behind them at the light, I was surprised to read:

Shriners:  Saving Children For The Anti-Christ

and

Shriners Are The Anti-Christ.

Shriners.  The guys in the funny hats with the kazoo bands and little cars in parades.  The guys who, in conjunction with the Masonic Lodge, help kids.  The ones who help about (by their count) 800,000 children in burn and orthopaedic clinics. 

Now I knew already that the Masons are a bugaboo for many of the Christian sects.  The secrecy, coupled with the unusual history of the group, brings conspiracy theorists out of the woodwork (unrelated thought:  how do the ones who insist that the United States of America is a Christian nation reconcile that theory with the fact that some of our founding fathers were Masons (including good old George Washington)).  There are lots of them.  According to one web site, there are 3 million Masons in North America, and a total of 2 million worldwide (I guess that a million of them disappear into another dimension when they are counted globally).  Many conservative Christian groups regard the Masons as a tool of the Anti-Christ. But the Shriners?

Well, according to my extensive research (of about 15 minutes on Google), the Shriners are part of the anti-Christ.  They use Islamic symbols.  They (apparently) help crippled children and engage in child prostitution.  Both Allah and Lucifer are the gods of the Shriners.  You think I’m kidding?  I found it at a reputable site called Vatican Assassins (I did not read the entire document (this is called full disclosure).  I had better things to do (sleep, read, cook, breath, file my toenails, twiddle my thumbs (both directions)).

Some of it is even corroborated at another scholarly site called EndrTimes.  But he also includes a secret FBI investigation which was settled secretly out of court.

After finding these two wonderful sites, I realized that I had learned something new.  Helping crippled children is evil (not sure, though, if that is the Platonic free-standing ideal of Evil, or just a descriptive form).

The Catholic Church preaches that good works are important.  Helping the poor, helping children, caring for the weak and infirm help gain credits (which, I assume, are redeemable in heaven).  One of Luther’s innovations was advancement to heaven through faith alone.  But even the most hard-core evangelical fundamentalist christianist asshat can agree that helping children is good.  But not if you are a Shriner.

Damn.  Here I thought that the Shriners (an independent non-profit group associated with the Masons) were doing a good job helping to alleviate suffering.  Apparently, I was wrong. 

Well, my (((Dad))) always said, “If you’re not careful, you learn something new every day.  (((Billy))), you weren’t careful.”

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8 comments

  1. Wow, my dad was a Shriner when I was younger. If I remember, it was a bunch of old guys who liked to drive funny cars in a parade, get together and drink beer, and were very proud of all the children they helped. I don’t remember any super-secret satanic masses but maybe their evil satanic powers wiped them from my mind.


  2. My father was a Mason and Shriner, and he was also a Southern Baptist; devout, fundy type.

    The Southern Baptists tried to put the kibosh on any of their communicants being members of that fraternity, but they pulled their horns in when they found out that a goodly portion of their church money might disappear if they did put a prohibition on it.

    About half the people I know are members, and I have been told that it’s a shame everyone knows I’m an atheist (and not interested in membership on my own hook)because I’d make a good Mason.

    Most of these organizations (Oddfellows, Pythias) require a belief in a supreme being. Plus, they cost a good bit.

    My time is limited, and I’d just as soon spend it with people I really like.


  3. Crap! I thought I was the anti-christ. I had my application in, my three letters of reference from pederast priests and corporate CEOs (each), my $13 fee, and now I find out I’ve been replaced by a bunch of beer drinking petty philanthropists. Learn something new every day, I guess. And I needed the anti-christ money too. There’s gotta be a fortune in that.


  4. When I was a kid, in an evangelical household, we never talked about Shriners or Masons. I never heard anyone in my family put them down, but I never heard the groups complimented either. Somehow, I gathered from hushed whispers and stuff outside the home that there was supposedly something a bit odd about these groups, but nothing overly negative. Just a tad negative.


  5. I don’t know anything about either, only that the Masons have weird symbols on their cars and the Shriners like having conventions.

    Maybe they’re like the town council in that movie Hot Fuzz.


  6. Shriners?
    I’ve been investigating them for two years.
    My site is here:
    http://sandyfrost.newsvine.com
    Thank you,
    Sandy


  7. I think I’m beginning to understand the real reason the Shriners are considered evil by certain religious sects. They’re helping children, therefore they’re reducing the number of children who need help. That means they’re competing with religious organizations who use helping children as a way to get their foot in the door for indoctrination–therefore the Shriners, by helping children and not asking for anything in return are affecting religious recruitment. How dare those Shriners help children solely because it’s the right thing to do!


  8. Sabrina: I used to march in many, many parades. For the longest time, I just thought of the Shriners as old men in funny cars. It was years before I discovered the hospitals.

    Sarge: It’s amazing how fast a ‘principled’ stand can be abandoned for money (and I’ve seen this on all sides of the politcal sphere). I agree with your last paragraph. I would also include, life is too short to devote even a part of it to irrational bullshit.

    Ric: I think I see the problem. The application fee to be the anti-Christ is $6^6^6. Which means you pretty much have to be a Republican oil tycoon to even be close.

    Chappie: I was not raised in a religious milieu, but, based on the cars and the hats (and the kazoo bands), I, too, thought they were a little odd.

    Philly: Never seen the movie, but I have had some run-ins with some truly bizarre people, some of whom are in politics. Given Chappie’s comment, though, would you say that their conventions are, well, unconventional?

    Sandy: Thanks for the link. I did check it out. As with any large organization, weird things (and illegal things) are done by members, sometimes by leaders (actually, its usually the leaders as they think they can get away with it). I will keep an eye out for the final outcome of the child prostitution cases (of which I was unaware). I do find it interesting, though, that some (not all) Christian sects view the Shriners as either the anti-Christ itself, or in league with the anti-Christ. Rather than working to solve the problems that do exist, they insist upon damning the entire organization through, as best I can make out, fear.

    Chris: Feeling a bit cynical, are we? Good theory, though. It amazes me how many of the accusations made by the French have descended through to today. The ass-kissing, animal sex, kissing the anus of a cat, sacrificing small children, child rape, you name it, they’re still being accused of it.



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