Yet another attempted saving

28 May, 2008

This morning I stopped at Sheetz to fill up my little economy car.  I gave the cashier $50.00, went out, stuck the nozzle in my car, and almost filled my tank.  I made the mistake of griping about the price of gas. 

The driver of the Mercedes Benz sedan on the other side of my pump overheard me.  He then said, “When Jesus comes again, we won’t have to worry about the price of gas.”

I looked at him.  He was well dressed (his suit may be worth more than my car).  He looked high.  I decided politeness was not needed (though in uniform, I was not at work (and (technically) the cowboy hat made me out of uniform)).  “What if,” I asked, “he doesn’t come?  The earth will be a mess, the economy destroyed, and we’ll have to live in it.”

He pulled a black and red booklet out of his pocket and said, “You need this.  It will save your soul.”  He handed me ‘ONE WAY,’ a Chick Publication. 

I looked at it and replied (courtesy of (((Wife)))), “Oh, I’ve been saved.  See, I’m an atheist.  I’ve been saved by rationality.”  As soon as the word ‘atheist’ left my mouth, his facial expression changed to one I’ve seen in horror movies.  I think if I had told him I barbecue babies on the hibachi he would not have been quite as horrified.  I finished filling (almost) my tank, said, “Have a good day.  And remember, you may not be right,” got in my car and left.

Sheesh.  I shaved off the gen-X beard and got new frames for my glasses, but I still have people trying to save me.  Take a look at my avatar (on the right (where the comments are (though not all of my comments have the kid hanging from a rope (which is me)))).  Do I look like I need to be saved?



  1. Dude, you must be a freak magnet. I can honestly say that I’ve never had anyone so brazenly try to witness to me. I’m glad I don’t live where you do . . .

    I’d appreciate your thoughts on my latest post. It’s the first time I’ve tried to address where I am, in a spiritual sense.


  2. Barbecued babies are best with A1 Sauce, I do believe. (The A stands for Atheist.)

  3. Ty: Careful. I did attract (((Wife))), and she ain’t a freak.

    Ric: I prefer Dinosaur barbecue sauce. After all, the dinosaurs are a perfect example of evilution.

  4. Yeah, I don’t know if it’s you, where you live, or a perfect combo of both, but you do get the nutters. I’m strangely jealous.

  5. I’ve never had someone show up at my door (though my parents did once) or try to drive by save me. I don’t know why. You and vjack seem to attract all of the attention. Is it because I’m a woman or because I still look too Christian? I may have to dye my hair pink. Hmmm….

  6. It would be nice to think that, confronted with a genuine, unapologetic atheist for perhaps the first time in his life, this gentlemen really did start thinking to himself, “Hey – what if I’m not right? Maybe I should examine my beliefs more closely!”. He might then go away and seriously reconsider his thinking, becoming a happier, freer and more fulfilled person as a result. You might have saved him!

    Like I said, it would be nice. What’s more likely is the scenario where he pulls another Chick tract out after you’ve driven off and strokes it gently, muttering, “Jack… you would never lie to me… it’s okay, the nasty atheist has gone away now.” Still, every evangelical is a potential deconversion – they’d do it to you in a heartbeat, so don’t feel bad about anti-witnessing to them!

  7. Memo to self – don’t forget to close HTML tags properly…

  8. It’s been years since a proselytizer has shown up at my door. Back in my Christian days, a couple of Mormons on bikes waylaid me once when I was walking from my church (which was right next to theirs) to the McDonald’s on the corner. I didn’t try to counter-evangelize them – I just got rid of them politely and went on my way.

  9. (((Billy))), I’ve noticed how the term ‘atheist’ sets people off. When speaking with a theist, I rarely offer this in the first several minutes. It’s like you hinted; as soon as the A-Bomb is dropped they stop listening.

    I try to work my way up to it. Sure I may be wasting my time in the end, but I can usually get a few minutes of conversation out of it before being cut off.

  10. OG: I haven’t had one at the door since I was in high school. I was home sick and some Jehovah’s Witnesses tried to witness me. I tend to get it at the store, at work, at a bus show, at a forest fire. I’m starting to feel cursed.

    Yunshui: I’ll leave the open i tag (otherwise your second comment makes no sense (and I don’t want to lose a comment on mhy count)). Wouldn’t worshipping Chick be, like, sacriligious or something? Though my son seems to worship chicks (but at 18 that’s normal).

    Chappie: I seem to get these prosyletizers when I’m in a situation where I can’t get away. I’m not going to leave after only pumping half of my $50.00.

    Ted: If I’m having a conversation with a friend or acquaintance, I tend to be a little more reserved. If it is some stranger off the street (and I’m not at work), the faster I can offend them the better. I think I’m getting bitter.

  11. This sort of thing is the scariest aspect of religion. I don’t mean the attempted saving, I mean the “close your eyes and keep running towards the precipice — it’s easier than behaving responsibly.” It would be one thing if they weren’t taking the rest of the planet with them…

    See The Religious Right vs. Young People.

  12. You know, if that guy really was so freaking religious, and so Jesus-happy, he wouldn’t be driving a Mercedes Benz. I mean, seriously, would Jesus drive a Benz? Didn’t Jesus say take care of the poor, I didn’t see the part where he said, but only after you buy a fine piece of German engineering. What a putz. Hey, Jesus is coming so f*ck the environment, to hell with alterantive energy, but, I don’t believe it enough to sell all my worldly possessions and feed the poor. Religion as convenience, sheesh.

  13. This sort of thing is the scariest aspect of religion. I don’t mean the attempted saving, I mean the “close your eyes and keep running towards the precipice — it’s easier than behaving responsibly.” It would be one thing if they weren’t taking the rest of the planet with them

    And the really scary thing Chanson is that these weirdos know who the anti-Christ is going to be because he will be “a man of peace”!

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