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Strange Family Conversation VI

20 May, 2008

This afternoon, (((Wife))) and I were playing a game of SuperScrabble ( I won when I managed to put BLAZE across AX (with the Z on a double word score) and the A across the top of WE (it scored 76 points) (sorry)) and we looked down to see Dust (our 26-pound cat) sleeping peacefully in the dog bed (we don’t have a dog, but he won’t fit in a cat bed).  I mentioned that I was going to check my blog, and (((Wife))) said, “Maybe Dust should start a blog.”

Immediately, we began to riff on what a cat’s blog would look like.  Here (to the best of my memory) is what I think we agreed upon:

Sleep.  Sleep.  Sleep.  Pee. Lick myself.  Lick KC (another cat).  Sleep.  Drink.  Eat.  Eat.  Poop.  Eat.  Lick myself.  Lick myself. Sleep.  Sleep.  Sleep. Love the human.  Love the Human.  Love the Butcher Block.  Love the Butcher Block.  Love the Stool.  Bat Catnip Mouse.  Fall into exhausted sleep.  Sleep.  Sleep.  Sleep.  Sleep. Drink.  Eat.  Eat.  Pee. Lick Myself.  Dope Slap Sherman (another cat).  Kick Oreo (yet another cat) out of hutch.  Sleep.  Sleep. Etc.

While photos of cats may be fun, a cat blog written from the point of view of the cat would be breathtakingly boring. 

I guess I’ll go back to blogging about politics and religion.

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4 comments

  1. You need to embellish…

    It was another day just like any other day, absently waking from a nap to lick myself or bat the catnip mouse and then it happened. Oreo, my nemesis, had set himself up in the hutch, like a king or something. He had been warned yet he smugly did it anyway like some smart ass punk on Springer thinking he can do what he wants, when he wants. Look at him lounging in complete satisfaction and open defiance.

    Well he was in for a rude awakening…


  2. If your cat were a fundogelical, the blog would go something like this:

    Slept soundly all night. Woke up and immediately thanked God for giving me a good night’s sleep and waking me up this morning. Peed, then licked myself and thanked God for not letting me choke on any hairballs. Ate breakfast and drank some water, then thanked God for putting the delicious, nutritious food and water in my bowls. Prayed for my heathen owners, then took a nap. Woke up, pooped, thanked God that I wasn’t constipated. Loved the heathen owners a bit, batted the cat nip for awhile, then called Oreo and Sherman to a praise and worship meeting on the back fence. We all praised God at the top of our voices (until the heathen neighbors began throwing shit at us), then went inside to sleep (all that praying, praising and worshiping is exhausting). Ate supper, thanked God for the food and water and prayed that my heathen owners would one day discover the same True Joy that I have in my Heart. Peed. Read my Bible (New International Version, Cat Translation), prayed, went to bed.


  3. Chappie: (((Wife))) says: Oh, you SO do not understand the theology of cats. They are god, and we are their worshippers.

    Both: Dust is nowhere near bright enough to think in anything approaching a complete sentence. I am, frankly, surprised that he can find the litter box 9 times out of 10 (and yes, that is an accurate fraction). Oreo is not really his nemesis. She (actually and ex-she (they are all exes)) is the most cat like of the three and tends to spend her time looking down her nose at the other three (she secretly suspects that the other three might be having a good time). Sherman is just plain neurotic. And KC is a little bitty cat who likes sleeping on Dust.

    Excellent posts. You both have way too much time on your hands.


  4. (((Wife))) says: Wasn’t Fundogelical Cat one of the cats in Cats? Along with Mungojerry, Rumpleteaser, Mr. Mestophiles, etc?



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