Wifely Witticism Number One

4 April, 2008

As some of you may have noticed, I often inject one of my wife’s (many) comments into my posts and/or comments.  My wife is the one with the sense of humour (some would argue that she would have to have a good sense of humour considering her husband (me)).

When I got back from Harrisburg, and wrote the post about the idiot who attempted to save me in the men’s room (paging the senior senator from Idaho), she tossed in one of her many, many, many funnies:  “If they come up with a scratch and sniff Bible, I’m in.”

Then, of course, we couldn’t leave that alone, so we began ‘discussing’ the smells in the Scratch & Sniff Bible.  Here are a few we came up with:

Fire and brimstone:  what, exactly, does fire and brimstone smell like?  Does it burn when you scratch your ash? Or is it more like partially recycled pickled eggs?

Noah and the Ark:  Do you really want to scratch THAT page? 

How about the smell of the Israelites after forty years of wandering in the desert eating locusts and not bathing?

Loaves and Fishes:  I’m picturing a yeasty smell mixed with old fish?  Do we really want to go further down that road?

Scratch and Sniff Sodom and Gommorah?  That’s what got them destroyed in the first place.

The stable in which Jesus was supposedly born:  a wonderful mix of dirty diapers, spit up, and that fresh dairy-air.

Can any of you think of any other smells for the Scratch & Sniff Bible?



  1. We’d finally be able to tell whether that wine Jesus made had a decent nose.

  2. I stand in awe of your creativity and originality–or whatever mental condition or medication it may be that led you to this playful idea.

    I’ll leave it to those familiar with the Bible to offer other smell opportunities in its pages. Most of the ones that come to my mind–blood, piss, and such–aren’t on my I-can’t-wait-for-this list. It’s a thick book, though, so you’d think there’d be some pleasant smells here and there in its pages.

  3. Scratch and sniff Jesus after being dead for three days? I bet everyone was happy when he finally ascended.

  4. Doug Indeap: (punny name, by the way) welcome. No medication needed for such oddities. My wife (and (occasionally) I) come up with such alternate reality views quite often. I have heard it called ‘barometer thinking.’

    As far as pleasant smells go, I’ve heard frankinscence, myrrh, and many of the other spices and annointments of the middle east are.

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