Another Bumper Sticker

12 March, 2008

Driving home from work today (the fever broke yesterday afternoon and I’m feeling much better) I got cut off by a 1989 Isuzu Pickup (the Big Joe package (I spent time selling Isuzus before I joined the Army (hey, I majored in history, I think selling cars for at least a little while is required))).  It was mildly rusted, and had two stickers on the back tailgate.  One sticker was the Jesus fish.  The other could be taken in a few different ways.

The second bumper sticker read:  “Try Jesus.”

When I told my family, all three had some variation on “What’s he taste like?”  Not the reaction I had, but definately an interesting one.

My reaction was:  “Try him for what?  Crimes against humanity?”  Assuming Jesus was a real person (if he lived, he would have been a social and economic rabble rouser (rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble)) (which is big assumption given the scarcity of independent evidence), could be be tried for what people have done in his name?  Or only for the ‘acts’ he actually performed while alive:  practicing medicine without a licence, operating a restaraunt without a license (limited menu, though, just bread and fish), dispensing alcohol without a license, making alcohol without a license (I’m sure there are more, I just can’t think of them off the top of my head).

Then I realized, he was tried.  Tried and found guilty and executed.  But the guy’s bumper sticker said I should try Jesus.  Wouldn’t that be double jeopardy?  And, after close to two thousand years, wouldn’t the statute of limitations be up?  And the Catholic Church, at least, is real keen on keeping the statute of limitations in place for certain crimes (paedophilia, anyone?), so I doubt they would push for dropping the limitations, right?

I really get tired of these bumper stickers.  Is the slogan on the tailgate of a beat-up 20-year-old pickup truck supposed to convince me that I am wrong?  That everything I have learned is wrong?  What, based on an eighty-nine cent piece of adhesive plastic?  Is it to convince me, or the driver of the truck?



  1. LOL – my husband had the same reaction as you.

    I want make an unrelated comment….Do you know your blog type is so incredibly small I would have to get a magnifying glass out to read the screen? And also, it’s unsizable. Have mercy!

  2. What, you mean you haven’t been convinced to accept a new lord and/or savior by a bumper sticker?

    Tough sell.

  3. Has the price of bumper stickers gone up to 89 cents now? I had no idea; the manufacturers must be making about 88 cents profit on that one.

    You asked:
    Is the slogan on the tailgate of a beat-up 20-year-old pickup truck supposed to convince me that I am wrong?

    I don’t think so.

    I think it’s supposed to be a sort of testimony. It’s making it very clear to all who see the truck that this driver has tried Jesus and, presumably, found him

    a) tasty (per your family)
    b) not guilty (per you)
    c) persuasive
    d) dependable
    e) loving

    Well, you get the idea.

  4. Since you mentioned Gygax’s death not too long ago, I’m sure you’ll get this. There’s a t-shirt that says on the front “Jesus saves” and on the back it says “and only takes half damage”.

    So maybe there needs to be some counter slogans like
    Try Thinking
    Try Questioning
    Try Reasoning

  5. Are you saying Jesus was a rabble rabbi?

    Here’s the bumper sticker on my car:

    The last time we mixed politics and religion
    People got burned at the stake.

    Several people walking by my driveway have stopped to comment favorably on it. I had to shoot the other ones.

  6. Saw a pickup truck yesterday with a pair of metal testicles hanging from the trailer hitch. I love the South.

  7. bullet – I saw a pair of those testicles a few days ago. They’re too funny.

  8. Chappie and Bullet: I saw some on a Cadillac Escalation this morning. The kicker is, they had desert camouflage on them. Not sure what the symbolism is, but, um, ew.

  9. There’s a lady at work that wears a button that says “Vote for Jesus for Lord and Savior.” I asked her who the other candidates were.

  10. I’m a Christian and every time I see bumper stickers like that I want to throw up in my mouth. If you want to tell someone about Jesus, do it…don’t put a sticker on your car.

  11. MattCarui: Welcome to my blog. I actually agree with you. I would much rather have an actual conversation with someone (even if we do not agree) than to have bumper sticker slogans tossed at me.

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