I am an unabashed liberal.  A progressive. I accept that federal, state, county and local governments can, and most often are, a social positive which can make the world a better place.   According to Bachmann, Beck, Limbaugh, et al., this means that I am not an American.  I don’t like paying taxes, but, when I look around at the benefits I receive, I am seriously under-taxed.

Part of that is that I see that actual connection between adequate funding and government services.  Some don’t.

Case in point:

An elderly gentleman that I know is furious that his property taxes increased.  Never mind that he has lived in his home for 55 years and, before last year, the last time his property was assessed was 1962.  He payed a total of $48 per year in total property taxes.  Now, of course, he is furious that he is paying about $1,000 per year.  That includes county, city and school property taxes.

He thinks he is overtaxed.  And he will tell you.  At the same time that he complains that there are not enough policemen in town, that his street doesn’t get paved often enough, that he should not have to pay an extra $100 per year to help cover the maintenance costs for the $100 billion protective levee, that it takes far too long to get his license renewed because of staffing shortages.

He is also furious that ‘that damned commie Obama’ is trying to take away his health care and force him into a government program.  He is desperately afraid that his wonderful VA health benefits and his Medicare may be taken over by the government who, of course, are incapable of doing anything right and, oh, by the way, it is fantastic that the township was able to build a new police department using a federal grant but all that pork-barrel spending is out of hand and his federal taxes last year were almost $400 which is a little bit more than his monthly VA pension and why are they soaking him while all the damn Mexicans who are buying up old houses and opening long-closed businesses in town don’t have to pay a dime and why won’t the government help put a new roof on his church which can’t get the money from the Diocese because of the dishonest kids suing the priests.

I try to avoid talking to him.  I know that I will get an earful of right-wing scare tactics, neo-Beckian absurdities, and Bachmann-esque GOP talking points.

I guess that paying my way, paying my fair share, working to make sure that government actually provides for the public welfare, just makes me un-American.  Strange that, to a conservative, loving America means that you have to hate the government of the United States of America.  The government created by the Constitution of the United States.

Some years back, I went on vacation (with the (((family))), of course) to Yellowstone (same destination described in a much earlier post, but a different year (and without the providential porta-potty))  On the first day, we drove to Janesville, Wisconsin and let the kids enjoy the fantastic city parks there.  Second day, we drove to Bismark, North Dakota.

As we passed through eastern North Dakota, the brilliant blue sky gave way to dark clouds.  And some really impressive thunder heads.  Coming over the high ground to the east of Bismark, we spotted some funnel clouds on the horizon.  We tuned in to the radio and listened to all the warnings.  And kept going into town.

We found our hotel and checked in just in time to hear the sirens go off.  We put the kids in the bathtub and decided that, if worse came to worse, (((Wife))) and I could just lay over the tub to protect them.  The heavy winds passed and we decided it was safe to look outside.  Oh, hail.

Literally.  Hail.  The size of my fist.  Luckily, the hailstones did not break out any windows in (((Wife)))’s minivan (the cyclops light shattered, though), though the roof took on the contours of a golf ball.  In the parking area, the hail piled up.  By the storm drains, the hailstones were a foot deep.

Then the sun came out.  So we piled back into the van and went looking for dinner.  The aftermath of the storm was amazing:  the underpasses in the center of town at the railroad tracks were filled to the bottom of the bridge; in places, the hailstones were three feet deep;  roofs torn off;  trees down.  We ate at a Taco Johns and talked with some of the locals.

Those we talked with had two basic themes:  ‘what did we do wrong to bring on this punsishment’ and ‘thank god no one was killed.’  No, ‘wow, what a cold front.’  No, ‘Wow, NWS did a great job tracking the storms.’  Just goddidit.  Either way, goddidit.

We later learned it was the most expensive storm in the history of the Dakotas.  There was an Airstream camper convention in town (thin aluminum doesn’t stand up too well to fist-sized hailstones).  A hot-rod group was having a meet (five coats of hand-rubbed lacquer doesn’t hold up to well, either).  (((Wife)))’s minivan had to have the roof replaced.

I remembered this delightful vacation episode when a friend’s ex-fiance’s girlfriend’s . . . .  Screw it, that’s too complicated.  A friend was involved in a car accident.  The crumple zones worked to perfection, absorbing huge amounts of energy.  The airbags deployed, keeping him from being impaled on the steering column.  He was trapped in the vehicle, and the volunteer fire company had to use the ’jaws-of-life’ to remove the roof so he could be removed. 

And the family’s reaction?  Goddidit.  Both ways.

Uncle X wondered what he did to invite such punishment (this is the uncle he will not let in his house, nor will he visit him).  Would this have happened if he and his live-in girlfriend were married?  No mention of the moron who wedged him into the Jersey barrier and caused the accident.  No mention that he was speeding in a work zone at the time of the accident.  God must be punishing him.

Aunt Y wondered at the mercy of god, protecting him in the accident, saving his life, preventing serious injury, saving his life.  No mention of the government safety requirements for the crumple zones and air bags.  No mention of the volunteer rescue workers who pulled his ass out of the diver’s seat.  No mention of the ambulance crew or ER crew who checked him over.  Goddidit.  God must be watching over him.

So does god create the storm, watch the ants scramble around on the anthill, and then save them?  Does god nudge a car into another lane, cause a three-car accident to punish one human and then step in to make sure the punishment is minor?

Doesn’t it make a lot more sense to invoke Okham’s Razor and refuse to multiply entities without necessity?  Maybe the storm up in North Dakota really was just a weather event.  Maybe the lack of a death toll had something to do with probability (chance) and some timely warnings by some government employees.  Maybe the car wreck was just chance influenced by personal choice.  And the safety had a whole lot to do with government regulations.

Yet many people so desperately want to believe that there is an overarching purpose to life (other than reproduction) that they will invoke a deity to explain both the good and the bad.  Big storm?  Goddidit.  No deaths?  Goddidit.  Car wreck?  Goddidit.  No death or major injury?  Goddidit.

I know that not all theists invoke a deity for minor, or even major, life events.  But for those who do, I have to wonder.  Specifically, I have to wonder if they recognize in their god the same level of morality as a kid with a magnifying glass, a sunny day, and an anthill.

Carnival of the Godless Number 129 is up at the Nonreligious Nerd.

Orthodoxy, heresy and heterodoxy, the idea that belief in certain things (as opposed to performing the correct ceremonies), pervades the ten thousand or so Christianities of the world.  For the most part, each sect teaches (and is taught) that they, and only they, have the one correct answer to life, the universe and everything.  Whether the unity of the trinity (or the trinity of the unity), the omnipresence of the holy spirit, whatever.  It sometimes seems that the smaller the disagreement, the bigger the verbal battle.

Recently, one church down in North Carolina decided that they need to enforce orthodoxy.  Stamp out heterodoxy and heresy.  By burning books.  By burning copies of the Bible.  Copies of every Bible which is not the King James V Bible (which (as an historian) makes me very happy that these narrow-minded zealots don’t have access to some of the early extant copies of the different Bibles (in all their different incarnations)).  And they will even burn copies of Mother Teresa’s book.

The website for the Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, N.C., says there are “scriptural bases” for the book burning. The site quotes Acts 19:18-20: “And many that believed, came and confessed and shewed their deeds. Many of them also which used curious arts, brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver. So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed.”

Church leaders deem Good News for Modern Man, the Evidence Bible, the New International Version Bible, the Green Bible and the Message Bible, as well as at least seven other versions of the Bible as “Satan’s Bibles,” according to the website. Attendees will also set fire to “Satan’s popular books” such as the work of “heretics” including the Pope, Mother Teresa, Billy Graham and Rick Warren.

Well, if they’re gonna burn Rick Warren and Billy Graham, I might hesitantly approve.  Burning books, though, is authoritarianism run amok.

When a group decides that they are inspired by god, and that god has given them the only correct answer, any heterodoxy becomes heresy.  Any deviation from the party line is anathema.

Thought they haven’t started burning books yet, the Grand Old Party of God is in the grasp of the teabaggers, birthers, and other extreme radicals.  And they are enforcing orthodoxy (from The Washington Monthly):

“I think it will empower tea party activists to look for moderate scalps in other districts,” fretted one senior GOP strategist with national campaign experience. “The question is, Will we go through a period in the party where a great purge begins?” this strategist asked.Hasn’t it already? Scozzafava was a respected local Republican, with a record slightly to the right of most GOP state lawmakers in New York, but she was deemed insufficiently conservative. Sen. Arlen Specter was a Republican senator for nearly three decades, but he was deemed insufficiently conservative. Gov. Charlie Crist is supposed to be a rising GOP star from the nation’s largest swing state, but his future is in doubt because he’s been deemed insufficiently conservative. Eight House Republicans supported energy reform in July, and the base has targeted them for retribution. Newt Gingrich, for reasons I’ve never understood, is considered one of the GOP’s great idea men. But the Tea Party/wingnut crowd has turned on him, too.

When Newt Gingrich is too moderate, and trying to pull the Republican Party closer to the American mainstream, it’s safe to say there’s something deeply wrong.

Part of me wants to pop some corn, pop a lager, and enjoy the show.  Part of me is deeply frightened of what may happen as the GOPOG moves even further right, as they lose the middle and the moderate conservatives (or kick them out), as they see (possibly) that violence may be the only way to regain relevance or political power (not saying that it will happen, but . . .).

When I lived in Arizona, I loved Halloween.  We had small classes (I think that we had about 16 kids in my class) and, every year, it became a competition for the weirdest, most outlandish costumes.  Space aliens, zombies, train wreck victims, you name it.  Very few of the ‘plastic mask and plastic poncho’ cheapo costumes.  And, in a small town, trick-or-treating was really safe.  We could hit every house in the town.  Twice (one year my pals and I had two costumes).

Then we moved back to Maryland.  To the northern end of the Bible Belt.  To social conservative central.  To culture shock.

That first fall, I was planning a great costume — a demon complete with horns, fangs, the works.  And discovered that trick-or-treating was illegal in Washington County, Maryland (actually, not sure if it was actually illegal, but the deputy sheriff’s harassed kids (or teenagers) out on the town every October 31st).  Apparently, the churches frowned on ‘devil-worshipping.’  This was, of course, all to protect the kids from razor blades in apples and LSD in candy dots.

Not to worry, though.  The volunteer fire company hosted an ‘All Hallow’s Eve’ party for the kids.  With rules.  No ‘evil’ costumes.  No ‘ungodly’ costumes.  Superheroes, fairies, princesses, French maids, cops, firemen, angels (wasn’t Satan an angel?) were fine, but no leprechauns, horror movie characters, monsters or demons. I was turned away at the door (I went home, changed into an old jacket, stuck a half-smoked cigar in my mouth (I was 12), called myself a ‘hobo’, came back, and got in no problem).

Since then, I have been more cognizant of the anti-Halloween zealotry.  Churches holding movie nights to draw in the kids.  Hell houses with Christian hell themes.  I figured that I couldn’t be surprised by this shit anymore.  (Just once, I would like to prove myself correct when I assume I cannot be surprised anymore.) 

This, however, is a whole new level of weapon-grade batshit crazy Christianist shit.  This article, “The Danger of Celebrating Halloween”, was posted on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s web site.  Apparently, it was too embarrassing even for them — they removed it.  Now, even Charisma Magazine’s website has a disclaimer at the top of the article:

Editor’s Note: We realize that the article by Kimberly Daniels is controversial. It reflects her own personal views—based on her many years of ministering to people involved in the occult. We have chosen to post another column by Ken Eastburn which offers a different view of Halloween. We welcome our readers to post comments on that article as well.

So, how batshit crazy does an article have to be for Pat Robertson’s CBN to remove it?  For Charismamag.com to post a disclaimer? 

The word “holiday” means “holy day.” But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is “hallow,” which means “holy, consecrated and set apart for service.” If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer’s!

Lucifer is a part of the demonic godhead. Remember, everything God has, the devil has a counterfeit. Halloween is a counterfeit holy day that is dedicated to celebrating the demonic trinity of : the Luciferian Spirit (the false father); the Antichrist Spirit (the false holy spirit); and the Spirit of Belial (the false son).

The key word in discussing Halloween is “dedicated.” It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.

Time released curses?  I have this vision of the old Contac cold medicine adverts but, rather than the little beads, little skulls and crossbones.

During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.

The candy has been ‘dedicated and prayed over by witches’? 

The word “occult” means “secret.” The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

• Sex with demons
• Orgies between animals and humans
• Animal and human sacrifices
• Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
• Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
• Revel nights
• Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
• Release of “time-released” curses against the innocent and the ignorant.

Apparently, I went to the wrong parties — we just imbibed sugary goodness until we puked.

Another abomination that goes on behind the scenes of Halloween is necromancy, or communication with the dead. Séances and contacting spirit guides are very popular on Halloween, so there is a lot of darkness lurking in the air.

Communicating with the dead?  You mean like praying for relatives?  Asking for the intercession of saints?  Does she even take her medications?

Back in middle and high school, the radical religious right (at least where I lived (and (from friends) in other parts of the country)), in the guise of protecting the children, pissed on our fun.   We were protected from demons.  Demons which do not exist — those putting razor blades in apples (okay, there have been 80 incidents in the last 50 years (getting struck by lightening is far more likely)) or poisoning Halloween candy (an urban legend) and the supernatural ones of Satan and his minions. 

So who protects our children from narrow-minded zealotry disguising itself as parenting?  From religious freaks for whom the horrors of reality are too tame?  From the mentally ill who know that god has given them the one and only key?

From the real demons?

Hi, ya’ll.  Sorry for my absence.  I really thought that I would recover much more quickly from pneumonia.  I was wrong.  I really don’t think I’ve been this sick since I had mumps while in college (I went to the college health clinic, they told me I did not  have mumps;  two weeks later, an epidemic of mumps was sweeping the school).  Anyway, I’m ba-ack.

Really.  I am.  I have viral pneumonia brought about by a bout of the flu (?) or my fall mold-spore allergies (no, I take that back — that would be bacterial pneumonia which I do not have (so it would be influenza / rhinovirus related).  I am exhausted (and heavily medicated) and will respond when I am able.

Carry on.

Or carrion.

Take your pick.

(((Wife))) has decided that, should we ever be stupid enough to acquire yet another pet (most likely a cat), the new pet would be named Peeves.  Here are a few random pet peeves of mine (all through personal experience):

1. Absolutely clueless people are a pet peeve of mine.  Case in point:  as I walked out of Wegmans (a local grocery store), an older woman (most likely around 50) motioned me over and pointed to the back of a Prius.  On the back was a bumper sticker which read “Proud American Atheist.”  She asked of me (and a small group standing around the back of the car), “Why do those atheists force their belief down my throat?”  I looked, pointedly, at the vehicles around the Prius and, quickly, counted three Christian Fish, two variations on  ‘I am saved’, and five church bumper stickers.  I looked at her and said, “Yeah, because Christians would never force their views on atheists like me, right?  And it is, actually, non-belief in gods, not a belief system,”  and walked away.  Clueless.
2. People who talk on cell phones while driving are another pet peeve.  Sunday, I was cut off by the same BMW 535i three times.  And he was talking on a cell phone.  And, on another device, texting.  And meandering all over the fucking highway.  Eventually, we ended up with about twenty cars keeping their distance behind him while he meandered over both lanes and the breakdown lane.
3. Conservatives who assume that liberals (or atheists) do not serve peeve me big time.  I know some conservatives.  I do not know any political conservatives under the age of 50 who served in the military.  Very few of them serve their communities save as police officers.  I do not claim to be a paragon of community service, but, unlike Reagan, Bush II, Cheney, et al, I volunteered for the military.  I continue to serve both as a federal civil servant and voluntary assignments to hurricanes, terrorist attacks, and wildland fires.  Yet conservatives consistently claim that liberals hate America and are trying to destroy the nation.

These three pet peeves have all come up either in conversation (or being driven off the road) within the past four days.  I just figured I needed to get it off my chest. 

Consider the comment section as a free rant zone for your pet peeves.  Be creative because between being very busy at work and the nightmares, I ain’t real creative right now.

More mail.  And this one came from an email farm server in Phoenix, so I can’t even blame anyone.  Actually, I can.  I blame myself for putting my email address out there on my blog.

Anyway, I got this in the email today and, well, shit.  Read it:

October 7, 2009

Dear (((Billy))),

Your new Christmas button:
“It’s OK to say Merry Christmas”

Help preserve our tradition of saying “Merry Christmas” by sponsoring Project Merry Christmas in your church.

It’s hard to believe that there are companies and individuals who want to ban “Merry Christmas” and replace it with “Holiday Greetings” because, they say, they don’t want to offend anyone.

Christians can take a stand and proclaim to our communities that Christmas is not just a winter holiday focused on materialism, but a “holy day” when we celebrate the birth of our Savior.  We can do it in a gentle and effective way by wearing the “It’s OK to say Merry Christmas” button.

You can help preserve our tradition of greeting others with a “Merry Christmas” by taking a vital leadership role in AFA’s “Project Merry Christmas.”

Here’s how. AFA is making available an attractive button and Glossy Sticker that carry on our tradition of saying   “It’s OK to say Merry Christmas.”

Purchase enough buttons for each member of your church and enough Glossy Stickers for each family to have one to go on their automobile. Urge your fellow members to wear their buttons and display the Glossy Stickers during the entire Christmas season.

If you are unable to sponsor your church yourself, ask your Sunday School class to make it a class project. You can even order buttons and Glossy Stickers to share with co-workers, children in Christian schools, customers, etc.

Some might think simply wearing a button or displaying a Glossy Sticker is a small thing, but God can use small things to make a big point, and to create opportunities to share the Good News. And what a great time to do that at Christmas!

AFA is asking individuals like you in thousands of communities across the nation to head up this project in their local churches. Your willingness to underwrite the cost for your church and enthusiastically promote this project is the key to making an impact in your area.

Click Here to Order

Sincerely,

Donald E. Wildmon, Chairman
American Family Association

No.  I won’t.

First, how does fostering paranoia, forcing your narrow-minded homophobic anti-democratic views, and fleecing followers promote a ‘Christmas’ spirit?  Where, in any of the teachings attributed to the Jewish mystic known as Jesus, are the verses about fundraising?  or making a profit off of a prophet?

Second, no one is telling anyone they cannot say ‘merry Christmas.’  There are certain situations, such as retail sales, in which this exclusive statement is discouraged (as are others such as, but not limited to, happy Ramadan, Feliz Navidad, happy Passover, or happy Orgy Day) for reasons of inclusivity, however we accept limitations on free speech in work places, even as conditions of employment.

Third, I don’t go to church, nor do I belong to a church.

Fourth, no way in hell am I going to finance the AFA’s outright right-wing lies (America was founded as a Christian nation, gays will destroy marriage, Obama will put Planned Parenthood in all schools, gays want to haunt womens rest rooms, boycotting Pepsico because they refused to discriminate), AFA’s scare mongering, AFA’s blatently Christianist and dominionist agenda. 

I have sent (approximately) the same response to AFA.  I really do not expect a reply.  If I get one, I will publish it.

When we lived in Arizona, my folks noticed that I had an affinity for mud.  Not the nice clean loamy mud of Maryland, but the sticky gluey clay mud of the high desert and pinyon-juniper forests.  The kind of mud which can pull off a pair of canvas All-Stars and then pull of the socks for good measure.  I loved the mud.

After a heavy rain, or as the snow melted, I could spend hours creating canyons, alluvial fans, oxbows and rapids in the muddy rivulets.  So my parents bought me a pair of galoshes.  And I galoshed through the mud for the five years we lived on the Coconino Plateau.  And, being a kid, I conflated Goulash and Galosh. 

So here is my recipe for

Hungarian Galoshes Goulash

2 pounds sirloin sliced 1/4 inch by 1 inch by 1/2 inch chunks (approximate size on the chunks)
4 Tablespoons flour
4 Tablespoons Olive Oil
2 large strong onions, diced
8 cloves garlic, minced
32 ounces chicken broth (you can use beef broth, but (for me) that is a little too much)
3 bay leaves
1 stalk celery sliced lengthwise and then chopped
1 sweet red pepper, seeded, veined and diced
1 sweet green pepper, seeded, veined and diced
1 large carrot, roll cut*
2 cans (12 ounce or so) chopped Italian tomatoes, with juice
2 Tablespoons whole Carraway seeds, crushed in a mortar and pestle
1 to 4 teaspoons hot paprika powder
3 to 5 Tablespoons sweet paprika powder
16 ounces sour cream (make sure it hasn’t gone bad (then again, how would you know?))

1 pound wide egg noodles, cooked

Toss the meat in the flour until the meat is coated.  Heat the oil in a large pot until a light haze forms on the oil.  Brown the meat in batches until browned (do not let it burn).

Add the diced onion and saute until translucent (don’t let them burn — burned onions are bitter.  Onions are much better with a sunny disposition).  Add the garlic and saute for about another minute, then dump the meat back into the pot.

Add the broth and bay leaves, bring to a boil, then knock it back to a light roiling simmer.  Cook until the meat is fork tender, adding more broth if needed.   Remove the bay leaves (if you can find them (if you can’t, just remember to warn your eaters)) 

Add the celery, red pepper, green pepper, carrot and tomatoes.  Bring to a boil.

Add the Carraway seeds and both Paprikas.  Reduce to a simmer and cook the noodles.  Don’t over cook them.

As soon as the noodles are drained, dump the sour cream into the goulash and stir until it is fully incorporated.  Turn off the heat.

To serve, place noodles in the bowl and scoop some goulash over the noodles.  Add a dollop of sour cream and a bottle of good Pilsner for each consumer.  Consume and enjoy.

This  is a stew which brings back memories of snowy Arizona evenings, of me chilled to the bone and then taking a hot bath to warm up and remove the mud, of jokes about galoshes and goulash.

OPTIONAL:  Substitute a strong red wine for half of the broth.

____________________

*  To roll-cut the carrot, wash and scrape the carrot.  Chop off the ends and lay the carrot on a cutting board.  Slice through at an angle which intersects the flat cut end.  Give the carrot a quarter turn and slice again at the same angle 1/2 down the root.  Keep doing that until the entire carrot it chopped.  The carrot should be an odd shape which increases surface are and enhances flavour transfer.